


After Midnight

by Nizza



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Crying During Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Kun, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Unresolved Romantic Tension, but like good crying okay no one is hurting anyone!, everyone is dumb and the only person with brains is Yangyang, i think im gonna stop with sex tags for now, oblivious ten, okay sex tags here we go, wayv squad cause i love them and they deserve more love and presence here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29039862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nizza/pseuds/Nizza
Summary: Attraction to men wasn’t something he considered to be a problem; attraction to his own group member, however, was. Attraction to Ten, a flirt extraordinaire, talented beyond belief dancer and singer with a honey-like voice, now that was a problem on some universal scale.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 189
Kudos: 268





	1. it's a little lonely

It’s close to midnight, when most of the guys finally scatter around the dorm. Living room is empty save for their cats and Kun sighs, picking up few pillows and neatly putting them back on sofa. Cleaning comes automatically at this point, he doesn’t think twice before turning any messy room back into its previous state and he doesn’t nag anyone much about it now. His hearing is strained, by this time he almost anticipates it - quiet turn of the lock, soft footsteps, muffled words. Ten usually sets off before midnight and comes back after two or sometimes three hours, always battling with main lock on his way.

After tidying up living room Kun goes to the kitchen knowing that he should fill cups with water for all of their pets and at that time he finally hears _it._ Room that Ten shares with Yangyang has a creaky door and that’s how Kun always recognizes when their main dancer is out. Leader of the group freezes, listening to quiet footsteps until they stop. Kun doesn’t have to turn to know that Ten is standing in the living room, looking at him. His stare burns; Kun swears he can feel fire traveling through his body whenever Ten stares at him for more than few seconds. He also knows very well what is going to happen now: Ten will ask what he’s doing and Kun will answer and then they will fall into an uncomfortable and tense silence. Then Ten will go to the exit, take his time opening the door because he still can’t get how to turn lock correctly and then he’ll leave. He’ll close the door from the other side and it’s weird how even though Kun is used to this, it still is going to break his heart a little, just like it does every single time.

This time is different, however.

Ten says something and being too caught up in his thoughts Kun didn’t hear him first time and has to look back, knocking down two cups in the process. Water splashes everywhere and he curses under his breath, hoping he didn’t wake up members with this. Leader picks up cups and looks for a towel or box of tissues, when Ten appears by his side, frowning. Kun bites his tongue in order not to say something stupid and full of venom like ‘ _aren’t you rushing somewhere?’_ and just lets fellow team member help him clean up. Ten grabs closest rag and wipes the floor, silently helps Kun and only when most of the damage is cleaned he finally says:

‘You have to be more careful.’

Kun is ready to snap, to remind their only Thai member that he is one of the clumsiest people in their group, but when he looks up, Ten is staring at him with a teasing smile that holds absolutely nothing negative and leader relaxes.

‘Got kinda lost in a thought,’ he replies with a small smile without noticing how Ten tenses for a second. Kun slowly looks and he tries his best to make his voice sound as detached as possible: ‘Going out?’

_Don’t look at him,_ he orders himself. _Don’t look at him._ But of course Kun has to turn and look. Ten looks beautiful but when does he not? Kun is used to Ten constantly stealing his breath away with… everything about him. He doesn’t look like he’s put lots of effort into his appearance even though Kun knows it’s not true; knows that this 96-liner has spent at least thirty minutes in front of the mirror to make his hair stand like that and yeah, that’s an eyeliner on his eyes and - it _hurts_.

‘Yeah, going out.’

He answers and his eyes are trained on Kun every single time when he says that. It’s like he waits for something, Kun doesn’t know for what. He’s never been good at guessing game or at reading people, so Ten’s stare tells him absolutely nothing. It’s almost like Ten _wants_ him to say something, almost dares him to do so, but what can Kun say? He’s tries his hardest not to be controlling or authoritative, so he simply nods and turns, making it clear that he’s done with this conversation. Ten’s stare burns him for few more seconds and then Thai member is in the corridor, rushing out. Door closes from the other side faster than Kun fills two cups with water and it… it hurts, that’s what it does. Kun doesn’t judge; god knows they need a stress relief in their profession and everyone finds it differently. So what that Ten finds it in the arms of another man? So what if Kun is more than sure that this man is his colleague, a guy from another unit of their group? Kun tries not to think about it, tries his hardest to free his mind of all of the pictures that pop up but he can’t. His heart can’t stand it. His hands shake a bit with an effort to restrain himself from running back after Ten, from screaming something pathetic along the lines of _‘come back, I can give you anything, I can be whoever you want, don’t go’_. Kun is nothing but logical, so he obviously doesn’t embarrass himself like that. These kind of actions may work in the movies, but in real life they’ll lead to awkward shuffling, admission of his feelings and a rejection at the end. Kun can practically hear Ten’s voice, can imagine his face as he lets out pitiful: _‘I’m sorry Kun, I don’t feel the same’_. And Kun is a big boy, he can taken a rejection in a stride and not have his whole world inside collapse, but rejection from Ten will leave him in shambles. With a sigh, Kun feeds the cats and goes back to his room, trying not to think of any Thai guys and their midnight escapades.

+=+

It’s hard to tell when it actually started. Kun had feelings for Ten for so long that it’s almost like they’ve always been with him. In reality, when Thai member was first introduced to everyone Kun felt everything but attraction. Ten’s Mandarin was close to non-existent, text book phrases sounded rusty and foreign on his tongue and Kun with his long forgotten English was no better. Thank god for Yangyang though, who despite his apprehensive attitude did engage Ten in a conversation in English and that’s how everyone first saw Ten’s smile. It was shy, a bit uncomfortable, but a smile nonetheless. Xiaojun patted Kun’s shoulder at that time with a quiet ‘we’ll be alright’ and Kun believed him for some reason. He heard these words so many times that reassurance felt bland to him, he heard so many times that he’s going to debut that all words sounded like a lie, but this time he suddenly believed in it way more than he believed in anything else. His eyes scanned small room, all of the people sitting in it and his heart made a leap - this is _his group_. A bit disoriented, chaotic, stiff with each other - but his group. Realization that he had to make sure they all worked out well dawned on him and pressure on his shoulders intensified when he noticed everyone gazing at him now and even, probably waiting for him to take a lead and show them the way. So Kun, feeling a weird minute of thrilling excitement and sinking fear, did exactly that. He quickly learned that everyone’s a hard worker, ambitious, hungry for performances, attention. He also learned that his passion for singing and desire to be seen and heard was throughly understood and shared between everyone. First few months were hard, everyone being overly polite, trying to get to know each other - but then it got better. Touches got more casual, talks less formal, laughter more sincere. Invitations to go out and eat together became more frequent, small groups begun to form inside. Kun watched this whole ‘you’re all in one a group and it’s in your interest to at least be civil with each other’ blossom into ‘i think we can become good friends’ and that on itself was kind of miracle. On his birthday he blew the candles with only one wish on his mind: _please, god, make this whole group project work out_.

And work out it did.

Kun got used to cameras just like he got used to always being the one to not forget turn all of the lights off. To Hendery helping Ten with Mandarin. To Sicheng being quiet and Yukhei being loud. To Xiaojun practicing his singing in the shower and Yangyang watching cartoons with German subtitles. To Ten opening up more and more once he got comfortable enough with all of them. Last one especially struck Kun differently. Him and Ten started off a bit awkward, being two eldest in the group, sharing same pressure. They started with sharing small talk in Korean and small talks eventually turned longer until Kun could feel himself relax with the younger guy. And it seemed that’s what was needed for Ten, because once he relaxed Ten immediately followed suit and got comfortable. Kun, at that time, didn’t know it meant that this genius dancer will unleash his full bratty attitude. Ten teased, at first just a little but gradually completely let go of any restraints, going into his full tease mode with leader. The closer they became as a group the more Ten liked to tease and pull up harmless pranks on all of them, but on Kun especially. It was something unusual for Kun, cause he got a hold of Yangyang’s brash and way too straightforward attitude along with Hendery and Yukhei’s loud antics, but teasing from Ten caught him by surprise. It was mostly harmless, and even if sometimes it _did_ feel like a punch to Kun’s ego, but Ten’s bright smile and contagious laughter soothed too harsh blows.

And then came closeness.

It wasn’t almost instant like it happened with other members. Hendery and Yukhei were pretty much in everyone’s spaces the second they got comfortable enough and attacked Kun with hugs on a daily basis. Xiaojun was more reserved but did warm up quickly once they started singing together, letting his head rest on Kun’s shoulder from time to time. Sicheng and Yangyang didn’t like physical contact unless they’re the ones to initiate it, but when they did, Kun always welcomed them with open arms. With Ten it was gradual. Small, tentative steps that were unseen to anyone else but that meant everything for both of them. Hand on the back while going through the crowd, head on a shoulder in the car on a way back to the dorm, arm wrapped around his middle during discussions of possible shows and debut album. Little by little Ten wormed his way into Kun’s heart and maybe this is exactly when all of it started.

He still can’t pinpoint when his gaze started to stay more on Ten than on any other members. When he started to actively seek out another member, worried for him and cared a tad bit more than for other group members. His eyes always scanned the room not only to count all of the members but to find Ten first. He swayed more to his side, body seeking his touch even if it’s just a friendly pat on the shoulder. Gorgeous main dancer didn’t leave him even in his dreams, which were very timid and very much pg-13 at first but then turned into something that made Kun want to burn himself out of embarrassment. Attraction to men wasn’t something he considered to be a problem; attraction to his own group member, however, was. Attraction to _Ten_ , a flirt extraordinaire, talented beyond belief dancer and singer with a honey-like voice, now that was a problem on some universal scale. Add it to general heap of recordings, constant practices, photoshoots and Kun had more than enough on his plate to worry about. His feelings were never put on a hold, even when they debuted, even when the workload made most of them collapse on the floor the second they arrived to the dorm. These feelings blossomed. Grew bigger, turned stronger. Kun tried to push them away, but it was useless; how could he possibly do that when Ten was always next to him? On cameras he liked to make fun of Kun and never really lingered anywhere close, but off cameras he liked to stay with Kun while he was cooking or often came to elder to just talk. And those moments, this soft side of Ten, this caring, vulnerable side that was shown only to him and on only rare occasions, made it exceptionally hard for Kun to let go. Because Ten came to _him_ , when he had problems. He knocked on Kun’s door, sat close and bared his heart to _him_. At first only a little, small glimpses of his thoughts and worries but with time he gradually started to give him whole picture. His sincerity, the way he thinks, how deeply he cares and how passionate he is - how Kun could have not fallen in love? He’s not that strong to resist this kind of pull. So he bottled feelings up, hid them from anyone else (especially from Ten) and continued to live on like everything was okay.

It got harder when they came back to Korea. Kun, of course, heard about Johnny. And Taeyong. And Ten being especially close to both of them. Kun learned a hard way that jealousy is an ugly thing, distasteful monster that lurks inside of you and eats you up. With ‘Bad Alive’ recording they mostly spent time together, but Ten was not exactly present: he was on his phone always, messaging, talking, smiling at his phone screen in a way that made Kun want to throw up. Or punch Johnny. Both of options were horrible.

Sometimes he wished he wasn’t that observant. Maybe in that case he would have missed stolen glances, lingering touches and secret smiles. Maybe he wouldn’t have to witness Ten melting under Johnny’s attention, his smile turning thousand watt brighter. But unfortunately Kun did notice every little detail - that comes in handy when you’re leader of a group of kids - and it made everything much worse. Him slowly starting to put more distance with Ten wasn’t intentional; or maybe it was, he doesn’t really know. Does it really matter? It happened and Ten reacted in the worst possible way - complete acceptance. Kun did hope that maybe he will be confronted cause it would have at least shown that Ten cares, but none of that happened. None of the group members noticed something wrong - or even if they did no one said a thing - but Kun _knew_ that Ten felt it. He had no doubts that his fellow 96-liner noticed change the instant it happened and the fact that he just agreed to it with no questions asked or any qualms told Kun more than he needed to know. Kun never hoped for his feelings to be returned. He never even dared to dream that what he hides in his chest may be reciprocated, but he always was sure that at least they have their friendship. This bond was unbreakable in his mind and when Ten easily turned away from it, Kun fell apart. He didn’t have hysterics, didn’t scream or anyhow outwardly shown what big of a storm is happening inside him right now. But he did close up and got less emotional, because everything suddenly became too hard. Their ‘Bad Alive’ promo was about to start next week and Ten was out - probably - with Johnny and Kun…

Kun was tired. And lonely. Mostly though? Tired. Very, very tired.


	2. worn out

Ten breathes out, staring at the door. He knows very well how to turn this goddamn lock so door’ll open smoothly. He knows, but he always pretends he doesn’t. He makes a whole show of being loud and cursing - all in hopes to get Kun’s attention. To finally get a rise out of him. Every single time he holds his breath, counts till five in his mind, prays that he’ll hear upcoming footsteps signaling that Kun is coming closer. But they never come. Kun never comes closer, always lets Ten go like it doesn’t matter to him. Thai dancer wants leader of their group to stop him, tell him to stay. At least ask him where he’s going and just for a second to act like he cares. But that never happens. After exhilarating five seconds Ten leaves, because Kun doesn’t come out to stop him. Somewhere deep in his chest familiar pain pangs his heart, but Ten is so used to it by now that he doesn’t even blink. He shuts the door from the other side and sighs. ‘When is he going to understand?’ He wonders silently but then sadly chuckles and corrects himself: ‘When are _you_ going to understand that he doesn’t care?’. Ten grabs his backpack tighter and patiently waits next to the elevator. Part of him still hopes that maybe door will open and Kun will come out. Maybe he will look at Ten and finally tell him to stay. Ten would have stayed if that happened. He would throw his backpack on the floor and take Kun’s hands into his and tell that beautiful man everything he’s been holding for far too long in his heart. But it doesn’t happen. No one turns the lock, no one comes out of the door. And Ten goes away, because there are a lot of things that he can accept, but Kun’s indifference is not one of them.

+=+

Being back in Korea is both amazing and horrible. It makes Ten feel ecstatic and sad at the same time. It’s great to see other members and actually spend some time with them, but lack of recognition in Korea of his own group drives him mad. Being surrounded by people who speak Korean is a relief as he understands it far better than Mandarin, but having focus pulled out of his group to another one is disheartening. Ten is a big rollercoaster of emotions, good and bad and it gets very tiring, but he tries his damnest to stay afloat. Preparation for comeback goes well, everyone’s working hard and he, for one, really likes the song and the concept. ‘Bad Alive’ has a sexy, daring twist that Ten finds appealing, feels himself like a fish in the water with being provocative on camera. He’s not generally all up for showing much skin or being half naked, but this time it does suit whole theme of the song, so he doesn’t have many qualms about not wearing anything underneath the jacket. But if he doesn’t have anything against it, then Kun, apparently, does.

‘Are you comfortable?’ He asks in the dressing room, when two stylists jump from one member to another.

Kun’s eyes are trained on the bare and open for everyone to see expanse of Ten’s milky skin. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s chewing on his bottom lip and Ten quickly averts his gaze from leader’s tempting lips before anyone can notice.

‘For the tenth time today, yes, I am comfortable,’ he huffs out, irritated. Ten did hope that his outfit will receive attention from Kun, but not _this_ kind of attention. Their leader can be a right mother hen at most of the times, but this time it’s really annoying. ‘And not like I’m the only one who’s showing some skin here.’

Both of them turn to look at Yukhei, who’s grinning happily at his make-up artist, all while showing off his bulging biceps and toned body. Ten used to be jealous of other guy being so buff, because he can’t seem to put any mass, but then he came in terms with being rather thin. He’s comfortable like that and killing himself in the gym for abs does not sound appealing at all. Kun rolls his eyes and when he looks back at Ten his eyes shine with something else. Ten tries not to fidget while leader’s eyes rake over his whole body, stopping for a second too long on his nipples and then going back up.

‘But Yukhei is used to this, he _likes_ it,’ Kun says quietly. ‘But you-’

‘I’m _what_?’ Ten interrupts, trying to get a hold of steadily building aggression inside of him. ‘Yukhei can be half naked and I can’t?’

Something ugly churns inside Ten’s stomach. Thousand of thoughts rush through his mind, all about Kun, all about ‘ _you don’t like my body?’_ or _‘you think that I’m not handsome enough to get naked’_ even to _‘are you disgusted by me?’_. Last one hits him hard. There were times, many years ago, when Ten allowed insecurities to eat him out alive. But he had to toughen up, grow thick skin and what others think should not affect him in the slightest. And it usually works this way, but not with Kun, _never_ with Kun. Ten hates how much he earns for acceptance from older boy. Despises how much he wants to be praised, how he wants to hear ‘good job’ said by Kun, how anything said by Kun means thousand times more than any comment from anyone else. Ten tries to hold back his irritation, but it’s too late now. It already sipped through and the only way to stop is to fully let it out.

‘Besides, these days you show off your abs left and right, so what’s the big deal about me also not wearing anything underneath the jacket?’ He asks, his tone on the verge of being passive aggressive.

Kun’s lips mold into a tight line - a clear sign that he’s annoyed. Ten turns away, because this conversation is done for, because he again fucked up and because staring at Kun’s abs in a close distance is really starting to fuck with his head. He drowns out general ruckus inside the dressing room and goes out, breathing a sigh of relief when he’s finally out of a stuffy room. Yangyang meets him on the stage, fixing his jacket all while staring at Ten with his unreadable expression.

‘Going out for a kill?’ Maknae asks, motioning to Ten’s naked torso.

Ten smirks, nodding. ‘Looking good, don’t I?’

Yangyang nods, coming closer. He again stares at Ten thoughtfully and then asks: ‘What did Kun-ge say about it?’

Smirk falls off Ten’s face and gets replaced with a scowl. ‘Why does it matter?’ He asks through gritted teeth.

Both of them lap into tense silence as they watch how stage gets filled with water. Ten can’t stand Yangyang in moments like this; he knows very well how observant the youngest of the group is and Ten knows that Yangyang is the only one who picked up on tension between Kun and him. Ten also has this nagging feeling that this little boy also know a thing or two about Ten’s… so called attraction to the eldest. He prays for it not to be true, though.

‘I don’t care what he says or thinks,’ Ten says, having a need to break the silence, to say anything that will show how unaffected he is.

Yangyang next to him scoffs loudly and because he’s a brat, he doesn’t even bother trying to hide how he rolls his eyes at this. ‘Yeah, sure.’

Maknae leaves his side and Ten stares ahead at the bright red walls. He feels someone’s stare burning his back and he doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is. Ten grew accustomed to differentiate Kun’s stare from others; stares from Kun leave his body tingling, anticipation and excitement zipping through his veins. Thai member bites his lower lip and tries not to turn around, but loses this battle almost immediately. He turns and meets Kun’s gaze straight on - it’s exhilarating, really. _Is it the same for Kun? Does he also feel all these stupid emotions when he looks at Ten?_ Kun stares at him with expression like he’s far away, assesses Ten calmly and there is not an ounce of affection that used to be there. Ten misses it. Misses times when Kun would light up if Ten paid attention to him. But nowadays Kun doesn’t smile sincerely at him at all and it hurts, it stings and-

‘Everyone, on positions! Starting in two minutes!’

Kun turns away and his careful neutral expression changes into reassuring affection when Xiaojun and Sicheng exit the dressing room. Ten watches him fuss over another two members, his hands on Xiaojun’s back and then on Sicheng’s shoulders- and he is not jealous. He is _not_. But then he catches Yangyang’s knowing gaze from another side of the room and all he can do is scowl and turn away. God, this is ridiculous.

‘Ten, Yangyang! On positions!’

He nods and rushes to the stage, focusing his mind on one single task and getting rid of all thoughts about stupidly hot leaders and their communication problems.

+=+

Artistic side of Ten makes everyone think that he’s in tune with his emotions. This is both true and a lie - Ten is very emotional and has enough conscience to control and connect to those emotions, but he also tends to ignore many of them. Like, for example, unnecessary attractions to stupid Chinese boys. It’s funny, cause even though Ten is considered being the flirtiest person in any room, he runs away from anything even remotely romantic at the speed of the lightning. His attraction to Kun started out of blue, really. Ten is strong and nonchalant, but how can anyone resist Kun’s caring tendencies? How can anyone stay cold while being bombarded with Kun’s smiles and laughs? Kun makes Ten’s resolve waver with his warm embraces, supportive speeches. Kun makes Ten feel special and it’s dangerous because Ten knows his mind plays tricks on him. He knows that in reality Kun likes everyone in the group equally (apart from, maybe, Sicheng, but Sicheng is a different case altogether, even Yangyang is soft for him) and cares for everyone on the same level. But because Ten is attracted to him, his mind makes him think that he’s more special to Kun than anyone else. One time he even seriously thought that leader of their group is attracted to him too and Ten got so mad at himself for dreaming of impossible scenarios in his head, that he distanced himself for some time until his overworking mind calmed down. Ten is not a stranger to attraction when it’s happening in a sexual way, but it’s not like that with Kun. Or rather, it’s not only sexual attraction. Ten can deal with physical desires - he can go and fuck someone or be fucked and that’ll solve problem. But romantic attraction frightens him; what does one do with it? Especially when it’s an attraction to a leader of the group, most likely straight man, who sees you only as a close friend? He has no idea. Things like that complicate everything and this job of his does not need any complications.

Ten likes to think of love. He’s one of those people who are in love with an idea of love, but when it comes to a real thing he’s, to put it plainly, scared shitless. Because what he has for Kun is not something he’s ever experienced before. It’s not a fling, not a mindless attraction. Ten doesn’t have a habit of lying to himself, so he can admit that feelings for Kun are bigger and deeper than any of that. Realization did come to him out of blue; it’s just one day all of them were sitting in the living room, brainstorming about concept of the next comeback and Ten said something and Kun laughed with his head thrown back, his whole body leaned towards Ten and.. he couldn’t look away. His eyes drank up all Kun’s features and he stayed frozen, afraid that if he moves Kun will lean further away from him. Terrified of the fact that he does not want Kun to lean back, that he’ll get jealous if he leans on another person. Ten’s throat burned with unsaid words, praise got stuck on his tongue and he just stared at another man, thinking that he could kiss him right now. Just lean down a bit and capture Kun’s lips with his. It would have been so easy. Everything got even worse when instead of sitting up straight Kun decided to continue leaning on Ten and thank god for the fact that all members are loud because otherwise everyone would have heard Ten’s horrendous heartbeat for which he has no excuse. He stayed unmoving, relishing this moment of closeness. When he looked around, no one noticed anything apart from Yangyang, who stared at them unblinking. His face then morphed into a teasing smile when he caught Ten’s gaze - Ten still wonders what it even meant. And weirdly enough, at that time he realized that he’s fucked up. Having feelings in their line of work is not exactly restricted or prohibited; it’s not looked favorably. Dating in secret is a hassle, scandals and conflicts on that base are extremely hard to solve and they impact any artist badly. Having feelings is the same as directly stepping on a path of regret, in Ten’s opinion. Like destroying everything he built with his own hands. This work is all Ten has and he can’t let feelings get in the way. Kun makes him feel vulnerable and this is unacceptable, because he doesn’t want to show any vulnerability. Ten is a tease, funny guy, sarcastic and smart, but he’s not a guy who bares his soul or talks about his emotions freely. Kun is a safe place for that - or at least he was - whenever Ten felt too much pressure he’d come to the leader to ease his worries. And it always worked like magic, Ten never felt better or more comfortable with anyone else. These moments were pretty rare, but Ten cherished them a lot, thought about Kun’s kind eyes, warm hands and hushed voice a lot.

But then they came back to Korea and Ten thought that enough is enough. Pining is not for him, so he decided to turn his focus on all other members who he haven’t seen in a long time. Johnny provided a good distraction, Ten missed him; they started hanging out more and their easy bond thrived like all that distance did not happen. And then Johnny told him about amazing service, a little skimpy hotel he goes to for some stress relieving. tends doubtful at first, because there are eyes on him everywhere, but as his friend swore on it, he decided to give it a try. Everything worked out simply - you come, you pay, you say your preferences and then you go to separate room and do whatever your heart desires. Sometimes, when he’s frustrated, Ten decides to top. He doesn’t remember faces of whoever is underneath him, just lashes out all his negative emotions in one go, going numb afterwards. But most of the time it’s him, who’s being pinned to the bed under the weight of another boy, pounding into him. Ten prefers it rough and fast, hard, no tenderness. This kind of fucking takes his mind off most of the things, eases him into a space where he can let go. Johnny once waited for him at the exit and after one look at him simply said: ‘I’m not your mom, but I hope you know what you’re doing. Take care of yourself, okay?’ After sessions like that he’s sore, but it’s worth it. He lets himself be manhandled, stretched, sometimes even thrown around like some rag doll. He takes it, opens up more and groans pained _‘harder’_ when his partner slows down. They think he likes it. They think he’s into that. Truth is, Ten can’t take anything _other_ than that. Tenderness will break him. Loving touches will tumble down all the walls he put up in his heart. And the worst the most horrible thing of it all, is when Ten thinks of Kun after another fuck. He lays in the bed, lets his body rest and thinks of Kun. Knows that Kun will never be like any of his partners. Kun will be gentle, tender, loving. Every touch will scream thousand words of worship, ever kiss will tell another story of reverence. Kun will not go fast and hard, he will make Ten fall apart slowly, piece by piece. He will make Ten open up truly, show all his sides, be dangerously vulnerable. It’s scary. Just imagining it is scary. But deep inside he longs for this kind of intimacy, something much more meaningful than simple fuck. He longs and he’s scared because he knows that Kun will give it to him. Ten can come up and ask and he’s pretty sure that Kun will not say no. Because he’s a good leader. Because he’s too understanding, too kind. Because he cares for Ten as for his friend. And it’s not the same, it’s not enough and Ten… is tired. Worn out. All these feelings mess with his head and every time he comes back home after another one of his escapades, he always makes sure to be extra loud with a lock. In hopes that Kun will come out. Ten knows he’s not sleeping, he just _knows_. But Kun never comes out, because lately his caring for Ten evidently stopped. He doesn’t even look at him anymore. And in retaliation Ten started to go out even more. Which is stupid, probably. But who cares? Certainly not Kun.

+=+

‘Hey man, what’s up? Did you finish shooting? I’m starving, wanna go grab lunch?’ Johnny asks, his voice full of excitement as usual.

Ten smiles, tiredly. ‘It’s five p.m, what lunch?’

‘Dinner then, whatever. You in? I’m at the dorm.’

Ten looks around, notices how everyone slowly shuffle towards their car. He grabs his things and follows suit. ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll text when I get to the dorms.’

Ten gets into the car and as usual pick up his spot next to the window. Yukhei and Hendery are talking about some new game they found, Sicheng and Xiaojun are fast asleep on the backseat and Yangyang has his attention on the phone, bobbing his head to the music. Ten glances at Kun and catches his gaze. Leader smiles awkwardly at him and really, when did their smiles become awkward?

‘Do you have plans after coming to the dorms?’ Kun asks quietly, looking kinda nervous.

Ten blinks. ‘I’m going to hang out with Johnny.’ He notices how for a split second Kun’s usual control betrays him and anger shows on his face but it’s gone so quickly that Ten thinks he imagined it.

‘Oh, okay.’

‘Why?’ He asks, suddenly registering that it’s the first time Kun asked something like this in months.

‘Nothing.’

Kun turns to the window. He doesn’t say anything else. Well, two can play this game. Ten turns towards the window too, closing his eyes and sighing. God, he’s worn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i step up my angst game? i hope i did :D 
> 
> ten is complicated and emotions are complicated and i am very aware that this fic could have been done in two chapters if they just talked to each other, but where's fun in that, right?
> 
> as usual, let me know how it was! thank you, always, for your love and support. <3


	3. signals are too crowded

Studio is set up nicely, Kun thinks. They don’t really go overboard for their Vlive sessions, but this is not bad at all. Room is spacious and natural light comes through huge windows eliminating white furniture and giving whole space a bit of a magical vibe. Kun already knows that at sunset Sicheng and Xiaojun will have their cameras out, taking pictures from that big balcony. Oldest of the group stays behind, tries to keep looking around so he can busy his mind with something else. Something other than Ten. And Johnny. Having dinner. Together. Ten came back only at eleven p.m. yesterday and Kun hates to admit that he waited for him to turn up. He banged his head twice on the wall because it’s stupid. He waited for Ten to… what? _To see how he looked like after that dinner,_ his mind supplied helpfully. _To see if he’ll have that glow he usually has after he comes back from his sex escapades after midnight._ Kun doesn’t know why he does this to himself. Seeing Ten all happy after his dinner date with Johnny only hurts him, but it’s like he’s some kind of masochist, wanting and needing to see this confirmation of Ten being happy with Johnny with his own eyes. This is probably sick, but maybe one day all this pain will overflow and he will wake up from the spell Thai guy put on him. He can’t pine forever, right? His heart is not that strong.

‘Ge, you’re okay?’

Kun almost jumps at Xiaojun’s voice. He turns and fellow member of a vocal line stares at him quizzically. Behind him Yangyang also looks at Kun with furrowed eyebrows and Kun sighs, putting on his best fake smile. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking about something. Are you guys ready? You should go secure best seats.’

‘You seem a bit off.’ Xiaojun comments and shrugs, walking towards the couch, nodding to every staff member.

Kun doesn’t let his guard down as Yangyang is still here and when maknae just silently stares at him, leader rises his eyebrow in a questioning manner. ‘You’ve been down from the moment we ended our ‘Bad Alive’ shoot,’ Yangyang notes quietly, coming closer to Kun.

It’s not a question or at least it’s not posed as one. Yangyang simply states fact and Kun shifts on his place, getting uncomfortable. ‘Just tired I suppose,’ he says offhandedly.

Yangyang snorts. ‘Yeah, tired. You sure it has nothing to do with Ten being with Johnny?’

Kun freezes, everything inside him turning to ice in a second. _How…?_ But then he remembers that Ten posted on social media a pic with Johnny and _that_ thought replaces ice with fire of fueling anger. So Yangyang knows about Johnny because he saw pic that Ten posted. But why does he link it to…? ‘What?’ Kun asks in a way louder voice than he intended. ‘What this has to do with- no, I was just tired. Why would you even think that Ten being out with Johnny can somehow upset me?’

‘Because I have eyes?’ Yangyang answers flatly, rising his eyebrow. ‘Because I see how you two-’

He gets interrupted by other members flooding the room, all happy and ready to film. Yangyang immediately gets swamped by Yukhei, who has him in a headlock and Kun can’t ask anything now, moment is gone. He wants to ask, wants to grab their youngest and shake him until he finished his sentence. _How you two… what?_ Everyone gets shuffled into a big couch and soon all cameras are on them along with the staff who sits behind, watching them like hawks. Kun learned long time ago how to put all his worries away in order to concentrate for the job, but this time it seemed to be harder. All thoughts about Yangyang bombarded his mind; thank god he has enough active members in the group so attention would be on them and not on him. While Yukhei with Hendery bickered and Ten screamed how this game is unfair, Kun thought about how much he lets on for everyone to see. Is Yangyang the only one who noticed something? Did other members pick on the changes too? Is he not being discreet enough? For the love of god, if Yangyang noticed something does it mean that _Ten_ noticed it too? Kun needs to know how exactly fucked he is in order to come up with a good plan. He notices some members of the staff frowning at him, making few vague gestures which mean ‘get your head out of your ass and get back into shooting!’ and Kun steels himself, focusing on what is going on around him. And this is what’s going on: Ten squeals like a little girl, general chaos ensues when lie detector signals that one of the members lied. Kun takes part in all of this, laughs along with others and tries to make it sound as sincere as he only can, tries not to think of how much he wants to pull Ten close to him whenever main dancer screams. Sometimes staff interrupts them in a discreet way, makes them change dynamics subtly, but it’s all good, nothing that would make group uncomfortable. Kun relaxes after some time, forcefully keeps his mind away from distracting thoughts. He watches over other members - it’s a natural thing at this point - and makes sure they don’t go overboard. Being a leader is not an easy job, but Kun relishes in the responsibility that was put on his shoulders. It makes him feel important, _seen_. Whenever something goes weird and members immediately turn to him - he feels needed, appreciated. Kun knows very well that he’s not the most popular one in the group, knows his face is not as recognizable as Yukhei’s for example, but he doesn’t dwell on it. Knowledge that all members turn to him in any situation stirs him on, keeps him going. He’s important for his members and that’s enough for him.

‘Alright, guys, bye!’ Hendery waves excitedly and all members follow. He quickly turned vlive off and then turned to staff with a curt bow: ‘Good?’

Kun always holds his breath at moments like this. Being approved by staff is crucial and no matter how many times they have done it, he still fears rejection. Kun has never outwardly stood up against staff whenever they did something that saddened his members and for that he despised himself; a leader should protect his group, but he simply couldn’t. Kun always tried to settle for some medium ground, which will not fully appease both parties, but at least he wouldn’t have to make a choice between following staff or staying with his members. He’s anxious whenever it comes to meetings where he has to defend his group’s opinion in front of directors - it’s hard to stand on your ground in front of people who with one flick of finger can ruin your whole group.

‘Yes, all good, you are free.’

Kun breathes out, his shoulders sag in relief. Next to him Sicheng lightly pats his back, smiling a little. Kun smiles back, actually feeling a lot better. They quickly start gathering their things and hurry to the van. Kun doesn’t notice how they split up and to his surprise and utter disappointment he ends up with Ten and Yangyang in a small car instead of being in the van with rest of the members. He bites his lower lip and gets inside, sitting next to the right window. Maybe it’s his imagination, but Kun can literally feel tension slowly building inside the car, even though both of their managers are animatedly chatting. Silence from them is usual only when they’re sleeping, but Kun can’t even nap right now. He is so hyper aware of the way Ten’s thigh is close to his that when car suddenly turns and Ten falls a bit to his side, he squawks and presses his knees close to each other, avoiding any contact. This, of course, doesn’t go unnoticed. Kun can feel Ten’s gaze on him, calculative and he’d give millions to whoever’ll tell him what is going on in Ten’s head. There were times when Kun thought he knew him best, but right now he thinks that even his guesses will be incorrect. Ten changed… or did Kun change? Did both of them at some point decide that they are not interested in keeping their friendship strong? Kun swallows loudly, when Ten makes a show of turning to Yangyang’s side, not sending Kun even a glance. _This is good,_ leader thinks. _This is how it should be._ Then why does it hurt this much? Kun’s mind is hazy with all the thoughts. He doesn’t know anymore whether it’s him to blame for this or is everything Ten’s fault. He doesn’t know what to think of whatever is going on between them and should he be a bigger person here and-

‘So,’ Yangyang loudly clears his throat, effectively snapping Kun from his thoughts. ‘Ten ge, where did you go yesterday with Johnny?’

Kun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Not this again. Their road back to the dorms will take at least forty minutes with this traffic and he won’t be able to handle Ten talking about Johnny for all this time. He straightens and casts a glance to Yangyang. Maknae has this wide smile on his lips, but his eyes glimmer with something… bad. Kun know this expression very well - Yangyang is up for something and Kun has a horrible gut feeling that it won’t end well. He tries to send a stern gaze to the other boy, but Yangyang ignores it, solely looking at Ten.

‘To Japanese cafe nearby,’ Ten answers. His whole body is taut as an arrow; Kun knows it’s because he’s holding himself in such way that not a part of his body can touch Kun's. ‘It was nice, Taeyong and Mark also went there, they recommended it.’

Kun leans on the window with his forehead, closing his eyes. Images of Ten and Johnny assault his mind, but he’s too tired to try and keep them away. Here Johnny is feeding Ten, smiling like a Cheshire cat when Ten eats up; here Johnny leans in, licks into Ten’s mouth and Ten lets him, easily like that, because Ten likes Johhny, Ten wants Johhny, Ten has sex with Johnny almost regularly since they came to Korea and it’s Johhny, everything is Johhny and not Kun-

‘Did you _only_ that?’ Yangyang asks. ‘You just ate dinner and that’s it?’

‘Yangyang, stop bothering Ten.’ Kun says in a clipped way. He hates himself immediately for this, because now Yangyang and Ten look at him weirdly and god, why can’t he just bite his tongue off? Kun doesn’t want to hear anything about what went on with Johnny and Ten after that, can’t bear the thought of them being together alone. ‘We’re all tired, I’m sure Ten can tell you everything you want to hear about this in the dorm.’

Yangyang looks mad. He stares at Kun like he’s going to murder him and Kun can only rise his eyebrow in response to this. _I want you to hear_ , maknae says with his lips and Kun’s mouth opens and then shuts. _What?_ He mouths back, aware of Ten’s gaze on him. Ten has his eyes narrowed and Kun has to grit his teeth and stare back at him.

‘I am not tired,’ Ten lets out, his voice full of suppressed anger. ‘If you’re that uninterested in whatever I have to say, you can just take out your earphones and listen to your music, not me.’ Kun almost laughs out loud at the idiocy of this. He’s appalled by the idea of Ten thinking that he’s not interested in what he has to say. _I’d spent hours listening to you,_ he thinks. _You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met._ Ten turns from him and answers Yangyang: ‘No, we didn’t _just_ ate dinner.’ Kun grimaces. He prays Ten has enough decency not to talk about his sexual adventures while both of their managers are literally sitting in front of them, but he mostly is just worried that his heart won’t be able to take it if this talk actually started. ‘After dinner we went back to his dorm and played Fifa with Jaehyun and Taeyong.’

 _Thank fucking god._ He doesn’t know he’s been holding his breath before this answer came out. Kun leans back from the window and turns, locking gazes with Yangyang. He knows that maknae can see the relief that floods in his eyes, how ecstatic he is over the fact that Ten and Johnny weren’t together in a more sexual way yesterday. Kun now understands why Yangyang wanted him to hear this - maknae wanted to make sure that Kun knows how _in fact_ that evening went, not _how_ he thought it did. Kun knows Yangyang is smart, knows that maknae certainly has some kind of understanding of what’s going on from Kun’s part at least; and he lets him see it. Lets him see how happy did the stupid news that Ten played playstation yesterday made him. He assumes that his attraction to their main dancer did not go unnoticed by Yangyang and well, what else is there to hide? Yangyang blinks and smiles a little when Kun mouths ‘thank you’ at him.

‘What you guys were doing?’ Ten asks and maknae’s attention snaps back to him. ‘When I came everyone looked way too tired for it to be just because of the music video.’

‘All of us hit the gym,’ Yangyang answers. ‘Our trainer decided to kick our asses and then we went back to the dorm. Kun cooked for us and then he and Xiao went somewhere and we stayed up watching final season of ‘House of cards’ on Netflix.’

Because Kun is sitting so close to Ten, he immediately notices when main dancer stiffened up. He was just about to ask if something happened, when Ten glances his way. It’s weird to have Ten’s attention on him after so much time of complete ignorance. He feels his cheeks heat up under Ten’s scrutinizing gaze. Thai member is looking at him like he’s some puzzle to solve, when in reality Kun thinks if they were puzzles then he’d be the one of five pieces for five years old kids and Ten would be the one of two thousand pieces for anyone who’s patient enough.

‘What did _you_ do with Xiaojun?’ Ten asks with narrowed eyes, voice barely above whisper.

Kun blinks at this. ‘Nothing much?’ It comes out more as a question than simple answer. Weight of Ten’s gaze on him makes him nervous. He can’t believe that Ten will actually be interested in whatever he was up to with Xiaojun (which was not much by the way) and that’s why real answer didn’t come out. ‘Um, we just-’

But it comes out muffled and Ten already turned back to Yangyang, muttering: ‘Whatever.’

Yangyang sends him a very unimpressed glare and Kun closes his eyes and pinches his nose bridge in frustration. What did he say wrong? How did he manage to fuck up even with this simplest question? Rest of the ride Kun takes up Ten’s suggestion and listens to his playlists, calming himself with favorite music. After some time his phone chimes with a message in Kakaotalk. It’s from Yangyang, unsurprisingly.

_‘Ge, what did you do with Xiaojun???’_

Kun sighs and quickly glances to see if Ten is looking. Main dancer has his eyes closed and he’s quietly napping, leaning a little to the youngest member. Yangyang doesn’t look at Kun, but he’s staring at his phone, obviously expecting an immediate answer.

_‘We just went to practice few songs.’_

Yangyang’s answer is lightning fast: _‘THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO WHEN TEN GE ASKED?!’_

Kun doesn’t have an answer to that. It’s just Ten asked so suddenly and Kun’s brain shut off and why would Ten be interested in whatever he did with Xiaojun? In whatever Kun does? Cause Kun thinks that main dancer made it clear that he is not interested. _‘I don’t know’_ he types to Yangyang, feeling strangely sad.

_‘I swear to god ge, I’m trying here, but you make it very hard.’_

_‘Trying to do what?’_ Kun sends but instead of another message he just hears Yangyang’s loud groan of frustration. Honestly, Kun likes to think of himself as of a rather smart, intelligent person. But right now he thinks he’s the dumbest person alive because he just doesn’t understand Yangyang, doesn’t understand Ten, doesn’t understand even a small part of whatever is going on here. It’s literally the first time he ever felt that lost as he’s feeling now.

‘Tomorrow you have photoshoot for magazine, so rest up guys and don’t drink too much water tonight in order not to be bloated by the morning,’ one of the managers say.

‘We know, we’re only over two years in this industry,’ Yangyang murmurs under his breath and receives glare from Ten.

They bid their goodbyes and go to the dorms, Kun staying behind to wait up for other members. Everyone is drowsy, waiting for their lunch nap like kids in the kindergarten. They get used to work on auto pilot, ignoring tiredness so when that tiredness builds up, on a more or less free day everyone just naps and gets their much lounged for sleep hours. With affection Kun watches Xiaojun and Yukhei play with their pets; despite their tiredness they set up all food and water, laying close and cuddling with cats. Hendery shouts that he’s going to the shower, Sicheng drags himself to Bella, takes puppy in his arms and carries her to his room with hushed: ‘I’m going to sleep.’

‘Food now or later?’ Kun asks everyone.

‘You cooked throughout this whole week, let’s order delivery tonight,’ Xiaojun suggests right at time when Ten comes to the living room. ‘Aren’t you tired? Let’s order, really. Chinese, maybe?’

Kun’s throat constricts, when he catches Ten’s gaze on him. Main dancer looks at him and then at Xiaojun and then back at Kun. There’s something aggressive in the gaze, like Ten is mad, which is… ridiculous and lacks any sense of logic. Nagging feeling that he’s doing something wrong creeps into his mind and Kun tries to shake it off, because he did nothing wrong and Ten’s passive-aggressive gaze starts to get on his nerves.

‘Whatever you guys choose is fine,’ Kun answers and brushes past Thai member, ignoring burning gaze on his back. ‘I’m going to the shower!’

It’s a quick work: shed your old clothes, grab new ones, take your towel and your favorite shower gel. After Hendery whole bathroom is warm, stuffy and smells like kiwi, which makes Kun smile, but he still opens window a little to let the air out. He hears distinct noises of barking and laughter from the living room and it’s amazing how quickly humans get accustomed to whatever’s going on in their lives. Kun is not a big fan of changes because stability is the most sought after thing for him, but he can admit that sometimes change is good. Bringing pets into their dorm was definitely a positive thing that impacted their group in the best ways. He quickly showers, thinking about their pets, remembering their walks together and how now most of the members try to go back to dorm quicker in order to spend time with their cats and dog. It’s nice, seems like they did truly become a big family of some sort once it happened. He thinks what else they need to buy from toys for their cats, already changing into new clothes when suddenly door opens. Kun halts mid-drying his hair with a towel, freezing. Ten stands in front of him, clutching a pile of clothes to his chest, his eyes focused on leader’s chest. Kun exhales, feeling rather self-conscious standing almost naked (save for the briefs) in front of Ten. Kun doesn’t think his body is worthy of any magazine covers, but he does work out regularly and as a result he can show off his abs freely, but he also knows how buff Johnny is and his own body is nowhere near that level, which makes him insecure. Ten’s gaze snaps up from his abs to his face and Kun clears his throat uneasily. Ten stands in only sweatpants, his lean frame on display for anyone to see and Kun hates how his eyes hungrily drink up every patch of bare skin they can find. They stand like that, taking each other in, for mere seconds but they feel like hours for Kun. He doesn’t shower with hot water, so there is no steam in the bathroom, smell of kiwi gone now replaced by barely there smell of ocean salt - Kun’s favorite shower gel. Leader’s eyes get stuck on pointy collarbones of the main dancer, on the way they stand out so nicely, almost calling for Kun to lean in and-

‘Sorry, Yangyang said bathroom was free,’ Ten says, putting his clothes on top of the washer.

He then turns and stares at Kun openly, with no anger in his gaze for the first time. Kun blinks, trying not to let his gaze drop on unblemished torso of another boy, tries not to choke on his own tongue when Ten steps a bit closer. ‘It’s fine,’ he lets out in a croaked voice. _Embarrassing_. ‘I forgot to lock the door.’ Kun wants to add something else, but then he catches a darkening bruise on Ten’s right side. Or better, series of bruises that have shape of..fingers. Someone’s fingers. He suddenly feels like he’s about to throw up. ‘I’ll go then.’

Their bathroom is not exactly big, so he ends up bumping shoulders with Ten on his way out. It comes out more aggressive than Kun would have liked it to, but he’s in a hurry to get away from Ten and those bruises on his skin. He rushes to his room, clutching towel so hard in his hands that his knuckles turn white. Once he’s in the safety of his room Kun closes the door and throws towel on the bed. It _hurts_. It feels like a punch to the gut, a reminder that Ten is not his, Ten has someone who grips him hard enough to leave bruises and Kun is _angry,_ because how can anyone treat Ten roughly? Ten is so fragile, his body so lean that it may break, so pretty that -

‘Stop!’ Kun grits out, rubbing his eyes furiously.

If downward spiral would have been a person then Kun imagine he’d be a perfect candidate. _This is getting out of hand._ He grabs his phone, remembering that Ten said it’s Yangyang who told him about bathroom being free. He texts simple: _‘Whatever it is that you’re doing I want you to stop and not interfere.’_ Kun thinks maybe it’ll be better to actually go and talk to Yangyang, when his door opens and Yangyang lets himself in.

‘What are you doing?’ Kun asks exasperated. This kid will never learn to knock first and then enter. ‘Yangyang-’

‘I’m trying to help you, what does your message even mean?’ Yangyang actually looks kinda mad.

‘Trying to help me with what exactly?’ Kun asks, trying to be as patient as he only can. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

Yangyang sits down on his bed, looking thoughtful. He chews his bottom lip and Kun wonders when did this young kid become so mature. In his mind Yangyang is always the maknae, always little kid who has way too much energy and way too little sense of self-preservation. But right now Kun sees an adult, who is not afraid to state his opinions loudly and make decisions on his own without consulting with him first.

‘I think that you and Ten ge need to get your heads out of your asses,’ Yangyang says evenly. Kun cringes at this choice of words, but says nothing as he waits for continuation. Yangyang stares at him openly, talking in a hushed tone: ‘I’m trying to help.’

‘By making him come to the bathroom while I’m showering?’ Kun asks, tiredly.

Yangyang winks mischievously. ‘Did he see you naked?’

Kun doesn’t know whether he wants to smack the kid or laugh with him. He settles for coming closer and sitting next to him on the bed. ‘Yangyang,’ Kun calls and gently pulls maknae closer to him by the hand on his neck, ‘Ten and I are adults, so stop these stupid games, okay? I’m sorry if this affects you in a bad way.’

Yangyang scowls and surprises Kun by standing up, shaking leader’s hand away from him. ‘Ge, it’s not about me!’ He huffs out loudly, looking like he’s about to stomp his legs like a little kid. ‘You two are being dumb and it hurts both of you and seeing you like this - _this_ is what affects me!’

Kun blinks. Yangyang is not an affectionate person, he also doesn’t say cheesy stuff. What he said right now is the closest thing to ‘i care about you two’ as they can only get and despite everything Kun smiles widely. Yangyang rolls his eyes when he catches his smile, getting a bit embarrassed of his outburst. Leader stands up and pats Yangyang’s shoulder affectionately.

‘You know that I have feelings for him, right?’ Kun asks and Yangyang nods. ‘Root of the problem is _that_ , it’s what I feel towards him. I can’t be selfish and burden him with my feelings, so I’m going to solve this problem on my side, okay? You don’t have to worry, me and Ten will be back to normal in the shortest time.’

Yangyang’s mouth opens and then shuts. ‘You think you’re _burdening_ Ten ge with your feelings?’ He asks in complete bewilderment. ‘Burdening as in- wait, you think he knows about your feelings for him? You think he doesn’t feel-’ Yangyang cuts himself off and shrugs off Kun’s hand. He takes a deep breath and narrows his eyes, looking at Kun. ‘Ge, you’re leader, you’re supposed to be smart.’

‘I am smart,’ Kun replies automatically, although he feels incredibly dumb at this moment.

‘You think Ten ge avoids you because he knows about your feelings for him?’ Yangyang clarifies, his tone makes it clear that he currently thinks Kun is the biggest idiot on this planet.

Kun knew that Ten avoids him, but to hear this confirmation from Yangyang feels horrible. He tries not to let it show on his face, tries to keep his tone even when he replies: ‘I think that I need to keep myself at some distance from Ten in order to- just-’ Kun lets out a tiny frustrated noise, because fuck, why words are so difficult? ‘I just need to do it right now. And if Ten chose to avoid me as well then.. it’s fair.’

Kun doesn’t think he made any sense with this sentence and by the way Yangyang is staring at him it’s obvious that maknae thinks so too. Yangyang shifts on his place and groans loudly. This groan startles Kun and he takes a step back, eyes widening. He’s about to ask what was that groan when Yangyang lets out: ‘You two are dumb.’

‘Yangyang-’ Kun starts, frowning, but maknae doesn’t let him finish.

‘No, you two are dumb and I’m done trying to make both of you see if you have your eyes closed.’ He opens Kun’s door and stops himself right before walking out. ‘Instead of making assumptions about Ten ge and _you know who_ , you could have just asked. Directly.’

It’s turn for Kun to scowl: ‘No point in asking when I know the answer.’

Yangyang closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, calming himself down. ‘You’re insufferable. Good luck with thinking of an excuse to tell everyone, when others will finally start noticing that something is off between you two. Want a heads up? Xiaojun already noticed your foul mood.’

Kun grits his teeth, staring at maknae, who looks as angry as he feels. ‘Yangyang-’

‘No matter what you think, you’re not the only to blame in this situation.’

Kun wants to argue. What did Ten do? He only reacted on Kun’s behavior and that’s it. Whole blame is on Kun here, because he apparently can behave himself as a mature adult he is and instead chooses avoiding tactics that fit fifteen year old girl than twenty five year old guy. All of this must have shown on his face because Yangyang hisses indignant: ‘It’s not only on you!’ at him.

‘I’m sorry,’ Kun mutters.

Yangyang sighs, shaking his head. ‘Do you even know for what you’re apologizing, ge?’ Kun doesn’t know, honestly. But he feels like he should say it anyway. Yangyang sighs again and this time fully walks out of the room. He pauses and says: ‘Ge, you taught me yourself that if I don’t ask answer will always be ‘no’. I think- I think you should try asking. Answer may surprise you.’

Yangyang leaves with these words and Kun stays frozen on his spot for at least three more minutes, thinking over what have just happened. He refuses to acknowledge what Yangyang has been hinting throughout whole conversation. It can’t be possible that Ten might…return his feelings. Or can it? Kun startles when he hears sounds of rushed footsteps and then Hendery’s head appears next to his door.

‘We ordered finally, food’ll be here in thirty minutes,’ he announced, smiling widely.

‘Alright, try to shake up those who are napping,’ Kun says, clearing his throat in order for his voice not to sound so scratchy. When Hendery doesn’t leave immediately he rises his eyebrow: ‘Yes?’

‘Louis may have pissed on your sneakers,’ Hendery mutters sheepishly. When Kun groans loudly he quickly says: ‘Yeah, I gotta go!’ and rushes away.

Kun sighs and suddenly his shoulders start shaking with silent laughter. Yeah, some things never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do we love oblivious characters? YES  
> do we live for tension slowly building between them? yES
> 
> hi guys! how are you? how's february treating you all? i can't wait for spring, i can't stand this cold anymore :( 
> 
> also, my notes on the first chapters somehow got erased -.- so here i just wanted to quickly thank people who came from 'Let Me Love You' - thanks for supporting my new work, babes! always a pleasure to see old readers here <3 
> 
> to anyone who comments - thank you, thank YOU💜 your words mean the world and although wayv is not as popular as nct, im still very happy in making my own small contribution to fics about them. 
> 
> love you guys, stay safe💜  
> p.s. yes, i'm naming my chapters over lyrics from 'after midnight' by wayv. yes. i'm that whipped.


	4. tear off the mask

Ten thinks his patience is going to snap very soon. He’s not a very patient person to begin with, but usually he tries to mask his annoyance with fake smiles, but this time it’s really hard. The thing is - Kun is staring. For an entire week Kun have been staring. Ten usually thrives on attention, likes to have eyes on him wherever he goes, but this is totally not fine. The thing that gets on his nerves the most is that Kun doesn’t say anything. He is just staring and Ten doesn’t have the ability of a mind reader, so he has no idea what goes on in Kun’s head whenever he stares at him. In any other situation he would be bathing in all these stares from the only person he wanted to get them from, but now they make him anxious. Kun stares openly, interestingly enough. He doesn’t care if others can also notice his staring, he just looks at Ten unguarded. It’s both fascinating and exhilarating, but he can’t go any more with just these stares and not talking. Before Ten never thought that he might have even the slightest chance with Kun, but now these thoughts come to hunt him more often. The way Kun looked at him last week, when they were in the bathroom… Ten gets shivers whenever he thinks about it. Kun looked like he wanted to devour him. His eyes were fixed on Ten’s collarbones and then on his whole chest and Ten can’t stop thinking about what could have happened if they were in relationship in that moment. He thinks of various scenarios but the one that plays on in his head the most is this: Kun leaning in, slowly, teasingly. Kun staring at Ten with unmistakable love in his eyes, Kun pulling Ten closer by his hips, Kun whispering praises in his ear, Kun kissing him softly. It’s a really nice torture to think about it at nights, because Ten doesn’t live alone and can’t exactly do something with his erection. He imagines Kun’s long fingers skimming down his sides, his nose brushing his neck as he moves south and leaves kisses on Ten’s collarbones. He knows Kun’s grip on him will be just strong enough for Ten to break free if he wanted to; because Kun won’t hold him down against his will. Kun is a perfect gentleman and Ten often wonders whether he stays like that in bed too. He hopes he does. Whole last week he’s been thinking about what kind of lover Kun will end up being and it drove him mad. Most of the members had tiny flings here and there, went to dates with several people and etc, but never Kun. Ten knows for sure that Kun’s dating history is a big secret. It’s either Kun really was not interested in anyone from the industry or he’s sneaky enough to never get caught by members or staff. Thoughts of Kun with someone else don’t really upset Ten, they make him annoyed. And annoyance comes from having zero knowledge about these people. How can he learn who is Kun’s type if he never saw that person? Ten’s interest is piqued; will he fit that type? What even _is_ Kun’s type? Appearance wise, personality wise. He’s interested about his own reactions too: will he get jealous if that person is going to be extremely gorgeous? For some reason Ten doesn’t think that Kun cares much about appearance. Kun is that noble kind of guy, who looks past such formalities as physical appearance. What qualities does Kun look for in a person? Does Ten have them? Ten wants to have them. He wants to fit into Kun’s ‘perfect date’ type so bad, he can even admit this out loud without hurting his pride permanently. Ten thinks and thinks and by the time Monday rolls in, he is just a bunch of nerves on their photoshoot, barely able to stand still, because - Kun is staring. Again. But this time he has this determined glint in his eyes that he always has whenever he goes to take group ideas to the director meeting and Ten knows they will finally break their unspoken silence rule today. He fidgets on the seat, while hair stylists carefully charms his hair to look a bit wet. Main theme of their photoshoot for ‘ELLE Korea’ is spring vibe, so all of them are dressed in pastel colors. Ten critically checks himself in the mirror as his now bright blond hair are being flipped to another side. He is topless again, only given pink jacket and white straight pants, but he likes this look, it fits whole theme about spring. His attention turns to other members and he smiles at the way Lucas makes fun of Sicheng’s long shorts (‘ _They are called Bermuda and stop poking my thighs, Yukhei!_ ’) and how Hendery and Xiao point on each other’s shirts, stating that they are going for a ‘couple’ look as their clothes look kinda similar. Next to him Yangyang has his eyes closed as make up artist applies eye make up, but Kun is nowhere to be seen.

‘All done Ten, Hendery you’re next!’

Hair stylist announces and Ten pushes himself out of the chair, thanking staff for their hard work. Hendery takes his place and Ten walks outside, where he can see most of the equipment stands. Weather is lovely, warm enough for him to walk around with unbuttoned jacket, but not hot enough for him to start sweating. Ten spots Kun immediately - leader stands with his back to him, staring at the beautiful trees. Location was chosen perfectly in Ten’s opinion - in the shadows of the trees their pastel outfits will look exceptionally bright. Kun stands next to a small fountain and he’s dressed simply - white shirt and beige straight pants - but he still manages to look great. Ten’s gaze lingers on his wide shoulders and before he can even think about it, his legs carry him towards other boy. Ten curses under his breath because honestly what the hell, what is he supposed to say - but when Kun turns and looks at him all his thoughts die out. Leader of WayV looks calm, has almost serene expression on his face and Ten suddenly remembers that Kun loves being in the forests, surrounded by the trees, the nature - the most. No wonder he looks so in his element here.

‘Hey,’ Kun says easily and Ten hates how composed that sounds, when he is about to flee into another planet because of his nerves. Before Ten can clear his throat and answer, Kun suddenly says: ‘You look beautiful.’

Whatever Ten was going to say ends up stuck in his throat because of these three simple words. His heart stops for a second and then starts beating twice as fast. Ten is not a stranger to compliments and praise, but he usually gets ‘you’re so hot’ or ‘you’re a great dancer!’ kind of stuff, but never this word. _Beautiful._ He wills himself not to blush and tries not to think much about it, although this word repeats itself in his mind over and over again. _Beautiful. Beautiful._

‘Thanks,’ he lets out, his surprise evident in his voice.

When he looks back at Kun, the other boy is already looking at him. Kun stares with calmness, his eyes slowly skip to Ten’s naked torso and then back to his face. Ten refuses to shiver under this gaze. ‘You’re not gonna button that up?’ He asks, motioning to the jacket.

Ten shakes his head and feels voice come back to him: ‘No, they asked to keep it open like that.’ And then, because his brain also finally started working, he’s back to his true tease self as he comments: ‘I heard they said the same to you, but you decided to button it up fully?’

Kun looks down at his shirt and then at Ten, rising his eyebrow: ‘Do you want me to unbutton it?’

Ten blinks in surprise. He feels his insides churning because that sounded _suggestive._ Kun’s eyes twinkle with something and Ten can’t hold back his surprised gasp, because holy shit, is Kun _flirting_?! Thankfully though, this is an area in which Ten is a self proclaimed expert, so he doesn’t feel out of place. He takes a step closer and makes a thoughtful face, slowly lifting his hand. He does it slowly enough for Kun to step back or stop him if he doesn’t want any contact, but Kun stays perfectly still and Ten’s hand lands on the collar of his white shirt.

‘I think it’s too stuffy here,’ Ten says, voice dropping down on a one octave naturally. He looks at Kun and is thrilled to find that all leader’s attention is on him now. ‘Let’s say if you unbutton first three…’

Ten swiftly opens up three buttons and then he takes a step back to check how it looks. His mouth opens to say that he thinks Kun should just unbutton the whole thing, when Kun takes action. And he does it confidently, staring at Ten and _that’s a fucking treat._ Kun starts unbuttoning rest of his shirt, his eyes fixed on Ten, his expression borderline cocky and when his abs show up he makes a whole show of pushing shirt to the sides, revealing all that body he works hard for in the gym. Ten always thought that Kun’s body was great, but all these work out sessions certainly served him well. Thai member feels his fingers twitching with desire to touch and he looks, really _looks_ at Kun unabashedly. All those hard planes of his stomach, all that pale skin-

‘Like this?’ Kun asks and now Ten knows for sure that he’s flirting, because that fucker is smirking and he looks too sexy for Ten to call him out on this. ‘Do you like this?’

Does _he like_ this? Ten already snapped thousand mental pictures of Kun in his state now, he’s a number one fan of this. ‘I-’ Ten starts and then promptly proceeds to licks his lips, noticing how Kun’s eye track this movement. _Two can play this game._ ’I think-’

‘Everyone gather up!’

They both turn in unison towards staff member. Most of the members are also out, chatting with photographer and Ten discreetly sighs in disappointment when Kun starts buttoning up his shirt again. ‘Too afraid to go over there like that?’ He asks, determined to continue on this teasing.

Kun chuckles, looking up at him. ‘With you looking like _this_ -’ Kun gestures towards Ten’s naked torso: ‘-I wouldn’t want to steal your spotlight.’

To his horror Ten feels his cheeks burn up with slightest blush, but thankfully Kun turned away at that point. This is not the first time Kun gives all spotlight to another member instead of having all of it to himself - Ten always found this trait of his both very noble and extremely stupid, but now when it's directed at him, he inclines more to the 'noble' part. He comes closer to the group, making eye contact with Yangyang, who looks wary. Maknae’s gaze keeps on shifting from Ten to Kun, back and forth, and Ten would have laughed only he knows that this is not a good sign. He forgets about it during the photoshoot though, easily mixing with his group. Photoshoots are nice; they serve both as a fun game of dressing up and as a good enough distraction. Atmosphere is relaxed and Ten fully enjoys their time and little interview. Usually he’s not very comfortable during interviews of any kind, because no matter how much he practices and tries to improve his knowledge, he still lacks a lot. It’s hard to understand when someone speaks very fast, so he usually catches just a general meaning of the sentence; he’s been trying to get over his insecurity and speak anyway even if his pronunciation is far from being perfect. Practice with Hendery helped a lot in that and Ten couldn’t help but smile whenever he noticed Kun’s proud gaze on him as he spoke. It warmed his heart cause it felt like a small step forward. Staff of ‘ELLE Korea’ generously prepared rather nice coffee break for them, which included several pastries, two boxes of large size pizza and a full table of different burgers. Ten smiles at loud cheers of his members and joins them in a play-pretend fight for burgers. He searches for his favorite double chicken jalapeño one, but Yukhei hogs up whole table, Hendery and Sicheng are fighting him over it and Xiaojun with Yangyang try to sneak up from the other side and there is no way he can even get close to the table now.

‘Here,’ Ten turns and smiles at Kun holding up a burger for him. ‘Double chicken jalapeño.’

Ten takes it, biting his lower lip in order to not from smile widely. Warmth settles in his chest - Kun knows his order. Of course he does. ‘Did you sneak up earlier than everyone else?’

Kun nods and opens his mouth to say something when Ten’s phone buzzes with familiar ringtone. Ten smiles when he sees it’s Johnny who’s calling and holds up one finger to Kun in a silent request for him to wait up. He doesn’t notice the way Kun’s smile drops and his expressions hardens.

‘Let’s go shopping man, I wanna buy some new shirts!’ Johnny exclaims and as always his enthusiasm is contagious. ‘You busy now?’

‘I’ll be free in thirty, I think,’ Ten replies and chuckles when Johnny starts listing all the shops he wants to go to. ‘Sure, anywhere you want.’

‘And also…’ Johnny switches to the whisper: ‘Wanna go tonight? To relax a bit?’

Ten immediately understands what this is about and smirks. ‘Is this our code word? Yeah, you know me, I’m down.’

They settle for meeting in the mall after an hour and Ten ends a call with an eruption of laughter after Johnny cracked a joke. Ten puts his phone back in the pocket and looks up to find that Kun is gone. He’s standing next to Yukhei and they both look way too somber for their conversation to be light so Ten knows better than to interrupt. Hendery waltz over to him, pretty blush adorns his cheeks as he smiles widely and asks if Ten is okay.

‘I am, are you? What got you so blushy?’ Ten asks, pinching one of his cheeks. ‘You look adorable!’

If anything, Hendery’s blush darkens even more. ‘One of the photographers came up to me and asked if I’ll be interested in an individual photoshoot and he said- he called me pretty and I- it’s just kinda so out of blue!’ Hendery rumbles, not even catching his breath. ‘And I’m so surprised cause I never thought-’

‘Oh baby,’ Ten coos, gently taking Hendery’s hands into his. ‘Hendery, you’re my prettiest baby, you know this right?’

Hendery scratches his neck awkwardly. ‘Isn’t Sicheng your prettiest baby?’

Ten rolls his eyes and pushes Hendery closer, circling his arms around younger boy. ‘Sicheng is a pretty baby, but _you_ are _my_ prettiest baby!’

Hendery looks up from under his lashes and he has this adorable look on his face that Ten can’t resist. He leans in and places two loud smooches on Hendery’s cheeks, cooing. There’s a loud bang that startles him and when he looks around it’s Kun, who’s picking up fallen plate, apologizing to everyone.

‘Thanks, ge,’ Hendery says bashfully, keeping his eyes down. ‘You made me feel much better.’

Ten smiles and walks along with Hendery back to their dressing room to change. He almost reaches the doorknob when someone yanks him by the jacket and Ten is not surprised to find Yangyang staring him down like a very angry dog. Maknae smiles sweetly to the staff and pushes Ten to the corner, where they can’t be heard.

‘This look is not cute on you. Yangyang, stop behaving like a-’

‘Like I can’t keep it in my pants? It’s you who’s behaves that way!’ Yangyang hisses.

Ten always admired their youngest member for his open mind and ability to say all what he thinks without any preamble, but right now he’s annoyed by it to the maximum. ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself here, Yangyang.’ Ten says in a warning tone. ‘I am older than you-’

‘And yet I’m obviously the only one with brains here, surprising, isn’t it?’

Ten steps back, rising his eyebrows. Yangyang looks actually mad; not like when he throws pretend tantrums. Ten observes his knitted eyebrows, lips sealed in a tight line, hunched shoulders. ‘What is going on?’

‘You have feelings for Kun ge,’ Yangyang says and Ten instantly shushes him, looking around in alarm. ‘Oh please, no one can hear us!’

‘They will if you raise your voice,’ Ten bites back, stepping closer to the boy. ‘And what the hell? I don’t have-’

‘Stop flirting with everyone,’ Yangyang cuts him off and Ten, in astonishment, shuts up. ‘If you want to have a chance with Kun ge, you need to-’

‘What makes you think that I want to have a chance with Kun?’ Ten asks levelly, ignoring the way his stomach churned.

Ten expected a lot of things, but not this. Yangyang looks so disappointed by his question that main dancer feels bad for whatever reason. Maknae stares at him with an incomprehensible hurt and then angrily points a finger at his chest. ‘Why do you have to screw up everything? He is so good and you’re just-’ Yangyang cuts himself off, not finishing the sentence.

‘I’m just _what_?’ Ten asks, tone cold. ‘Cmon, Yangyang, finish that sentence. I’m just what?’

Ten feels ice fist close up around his heart. Yangyang’s words hit him where he’s the most vulnerable, because fuck he knows that Kun is good, so good, and he is nowhere near, can’t ever be good enough for someone like Kun, can’t ever compare. Hurt blinds him, thought that Yangyang sees him as… who? _Whore_? Ten knows what most people think of him, but most people don’t know him so he can’t care less about their opinions, but to hear something like this from his own member it’s - it hurts more than rejection from Kun ever would. Yangyang looks disheartened and tad bit guilty, taking a small step back.

‘I didn’t mean-’ Yangyang sighs, moving his hair out of his forehead. He swallows hard before continuing: ‘You’re confusing, ge. You flirt with Johnny and then you go flirt with Taeyong, then with Kun and then Hendery- no one can tell when it’s truthful and when it’s just you being…you.’

Yangyang takes his hand and Ten lets himself be walked to the dressing room from which most of the boys are already exiting. They both halt as Kun walks out; leader eyes them but his gaze stops on Yangyang. Ten feels weird as they’re having silent conversation and then Kun walks away, not even sparing a glance at Ten’s direction.

‘This is what I’m talking about,’ Yangyang mutters, sighing.

‘I don’t flirt with Johnny, Taeyong and Hendery,’ Ten snorts, not understanding this whole idea. ‘They all know it’s not a flirting.’

‘And Kun?’ Yangyang asks as they quickly start changing their clothes. ‘You flirt with him?’

Ten sighs, pinching his nose bridge. _Kun is the only one with who I can’t flirt,_ he wants to say. _Because flirting is a game, but Kun means so much more than that._ Yangyang will not let go unless he answers, he knows that. But he also knows that discussing his feelings for Kun with Yangyang is not something he ever wishes to do, so Ten pretends he didn’t hear this question. He quickly changes and rushes out of the room before any other question can pop up. Everyone’s already in the car and Ten sits next to Yukhei, noticing Kun sitting close to Xiaojun ahead of them.

‘Chenle invited us for movie night,’ Yukhei says loudly. ‘Who’s in?’

Sicheng and Xiaojun agree instantly and when Yukhei turns to Ten he shakes his head: ‘I have plans, sorry guys.’

‘With Johnny?’ Kun asks in a clipped tone the one that he always uses whenever he says a thing about Johnny.

Ten looks up and meets his gaze dead on. ‘ _Yes_ , with Johnny.’ Kun’s gaze on him is hard, unnerving. Ten feels strangely in default, like he’s losing in a game he doesn’t even know he was a part of. And because something inside him screams, makes him jittery in the worst sense, because he’s a king of self destruction, he adds: ‘I’ll be home late.’

Something flashes in Kun’s gaze, something that makes Ten’s breath hitch in his throat. Kun turns briskly away and engages Xiaojun in conversation, doing it so demonstratively that even Yukhei and Sicheng look at him weirdly. Yukhei, god bless his naive soul, starts talking about their photoshoot and engages Sicheng, who willingly takes part in order to stop this weird tension in the car. Ten leans back on the seat, all muscles taut as an arrow and there’s lump in his throat that he can’t swallow. Horrible realization that right now he did something bad downs upon him and it’s getting hard to breathe. He closes his eyes and tries to take discreetly deep breath, calming himself down. _It just started getting good and I ruined it._ His eyes feel too moist and Ten turns his head, shying away from unneeded glances as two silent tears escape his eyes. Yangyang’s words ring loud and clear in his head: ‘ _Why do you have to screw everything up?_ ’. Ten’s heart drops somewhere in his stomach, where it awakes all the butterflies that were never given a chance to fly. _Because it’s easier that way,_ Ten thinks. _Because I better screw up now than I screw up once me and Kun will actually have something._ He turns on volume in his headphones and the last thing he sees before closing his eyes is Kun affectionately ruffling Xiaojun’s hair. _Good,_ Ten thinks. _It’s better than way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major angst is coming in the next chapter so i thought in this chapter i can give you guys...a sweet..moment? i mean i hope you found it sweet lmao 
> 
> as usual let me know your thoughts in the comment section! and thank you all very much for 100+ kudos, i know this otp is not very popular, so im very happy with this number! <3 
> 
> stay safe and healthy, you all are the best <3


	5. a throbbing accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: so. there is a detailed (? i mean i think it is) scene of sex here in which consent is VERY BLURRY. No rape! But not full consent either. please if you're not comfortable with this skip till usual '+=+' sign, you won't really miss a lot.

It was wrong. Wrong pair of hands on his body, wrong person against him, wrong lips, wrong body-

‘Stop,’ Ten grits out into the pillow, his knuckles white from how hard he’s squeezing bedsheets.

Guy doesn’t stop though. His fingers, although lubed, jab harshly inside and there’s no accuracy in his movements. It’s a first time with him for Ten and at the start they both established basic rules, told each other what they wanted out from this, mundane information about likes/dislikes, kinds was also shared, but apparently some things were left unclear. Ten does like a bit of pain, but not like this, not in the form of not lubed enough fingers prodding his entrance with no consideration; he can take bites, can take overpowering and a bit of choking, but this is not it. There is no move from this guy’s part to somehow make it pleasurable for Ten, everything speaks of a desire to degrade and just fulfill his own wishes. After one finger gets switched to two, Ten hisses, tries to push forward in an attempt to get away from hurtful feeling.

‘Stop,’ he repeats, this time turning his head to the side so his voice would be heard better. ‘It hurts.’

‘Didn’t you say that you like that though?’ Guy - Minjae? Minhyuk? Ten doesn’t remember - answers and smacks Ten’s right butt cheek, grinning happily. ‘Isn’t this what you’re into?’

Ten’s jaw hurts from how hard he’s gritting his teeth together. He grabs bottle of lube next to him and throws it in the general direction of his partner for the night. Thankfully, guy takes the hint and after mumbling something under his breath that sounded strangely close to ‘god, what a pussy’, lubes his fingers properly and intrusion doesn’t spike that much pain anymore. Sometimes sex does go wrong, sometimes there is a desperate need to talk over everything again, so Ten decides to give this guy a second chance. Besides, Johnny is probably not done yet and Ten doesn’t want to go away alone.

‘Relax,’ his partner asks - or commands, better - and smacks his butt cheek again.

It stings and it doesn’t help Ten relax even in one bit. He tries though, he really does. Closes his eyes, breathes in and out, calms himself with breathing techniques Taeyong taught him long time ago. Tries to center himself in this moment, but it only makes everything worse. Realization that instead of being with a stable long-time lover he’s currently in the bed with a guy whose name he doesn’t even remember hits him like a train. This is now how Ten imagined his life will ever turn out, but if he starts thinking about then depression will linger somewhere very close to his sight. His thoughts change direction and as usually, they return to Kun. Ten thinks about what happened in the car and grunts in displeasure at his own stupidity. He is a rather brash person, so saying before thinking is common for him. But when he thinks about Kun’s eyes at that moment, what he saw in them… it makes Ten want to curl up in the ball and never see anyone again. He bites inside of his cheek, thinking that he keeps on ruining any chance of having Kun do all of this to him instead of this guy. Because for some moment this day Ten did have a feeling that maybe, just _maybe,_ something can happen between them. It’s such a sweet fantasy, it tantalizes his mind in the best and worst ways possible at the same time. He thinks about how he could have been with Kun now, not even in a sexual way, but just be physically next to him and it still would have been better than being here now with this guy. God, what was his name? Minjae? Minhyuk?

‘Dude, I’m telling you to relax,’ voice comes up behind him and Ten comes back to reality, where his impatient partner tries to add one more finger. ‘Do you _actually_ want me to tear you open?’

‘Of course not!’ Ten lets out indignantly and again pushes his face against the pillow.

Not being able to breathe silences his mind for few moments and he willingly forces himself to relax, still cringing at the pain that shoots through his spine when third finger is being added. Something was wrong here from the start: Ten not being the mood for anything sexual, guy being weird with his replies. Main dancer is not even aroused and he can’t just switch himself to another mood. He bears silently through all ministrations, not being able to shake off the feeling of how _wrong_ everything is. He breathes through his mouth and gasps, when suddenly he’s being turned around.

‘You’re not into this at all,’ guy says, eyeing him suspiciously.

Ten huffs out, not bothering to give any kind of reply to this. But his reaction gets a rise from the other guy and the next thing Ten knows, he’s face to face with his partner and the guy is grinning like a freaking maniac. It’s way too close with what Ten can be comfortable with, so he pushes his hands against guy’s chest, not letting him get any closer. This is the first rule - no kisses. Kisses are too intimate for whatever they’re doing in this room and Ten is very hard bent on following this rule.

‘Maybe…’ The guy starts and his hands caress Ten’s hipbones in a deceivingly gentle way, ‘I think… maybe I’m being too gentle with you, hm?’ Ten blinks at this and guy grins at him like a Cheshire cat: ‘I gotta up my game, don’t I?’

‘What the-’

What he wanted to say gets lost in a sudden loud shout, when Minjae - Ten finally remembered his name - widens his legs and pushes into him roughly. Pain is so strong that it blinds Ten for few seconds; he’s disoriented as everything swims in his vision. His back arches off the bed and hands scramble to find a purchase to hold on to - as a result sound of torn bedsheets echo within the room. His eyes open again at a thrust and pain did not lessen, in fact, it only grew more in impact.

‘Fucking hell,’ Ten hisses and groans when Minjae falls on top of him, his muscular frame pining him to the bed. ‘Get- _get off me!_ ’

‘What happened, don’t you like it?’ Minjae grunts into his ear, not slowing down his thrusting. ‘This is what you wanted, isn’t it? To be taken like that? It feels good when it hurts, doesn’t it?’

Ten shakes his head and pushes with all his might against Minjae, hands on his shoulders. But as guy has more than 20 kilos on him, it’s hard to do so. Ten has never been the strongest, his body is made to sustain countless hours of harsh training, but not to actually apply his strength against someone. Minjae doesn’t let him do anything as he grabs both of Ten’s wrists and puts them in a lock, his thrusts quick and strong. Force of them makes Ten ride up on the bed and while pain did start to go away to give space for pleasure, it still is not something that Ten likes. His body betrays him, hips find a matching rhythm for Minjae’s thrusts and it’s shameful, how he can’t let it stop, although his mind does not enjoy this.

‘You little slut,’ Minjae says pleased, starting to thrust even harder. ‘You like it, huh? Like it when you can’t move and all you can do is just _take it?_ ’ Ten curses at him for that and Minjae laughs wholeheartedly, pushing Ten’s wrists above his head, easily keeping them in lock with just one hand. With his now free left hand he grabs Ten’s by the jaw, making Thai guy look him in the eyes: ‘That’s the only thing you’re good for, to just _take it._ I bet you never top, huh? Who would have left such a skinny bitch top them!’

Ten snarls, tries to pry his hands free, but it’s useless. He tries to fight it, but arousal is stronger than him, it coils in his belly as Minjae starts hitting his prostate dead on. He writhes on his place like a snake, breathing loud and heavy, fighting with his mind against his own instincts. Ten is not into degradation or feminization at all, it makes him sick and Minjae’s words leave an acid taste in his mouth.

 _‘Fuck you,’_ he curses and spits right into Minjae’s face on a whim.

Minjae stops, astonished look on his face like he can’t believe that this has just happened. In all truth, Ten also has a hard time believing that he did it. There’s a minute of complete silence and fear creeps up Ten’s heart, he’s almost not breathing - when Minjae snarls lowly and thrusts so hard that Ten lets out a loud howl as a response.

‘You little bitch!’ Minjae’s hand grips Ten’s wrist to the point that bruises start to form. ‘Know.Your.Fucking.Place.’

He punctuates each word with a brutal thrust that brings more pain than pleasure. Ten lets out a string of curses, but holds on, biting his lower lip so hard that it bleeds. His stubborn nature lets itself known in the most unneeded times - like right now, for example. He can’t let Minjae know that it hurts, or else Minjae will win and Ten is a sore loser. Hand that has been holding his jaw suddenly relaxes and before Ten can even breathe out a sigh of relief he hears a loud slap resonate in the room before he feels burn on his right cheek. Pain is so sudden and sharp that tears fill his eyes without him even realizing it. Something snaps inside Ten, something very important. No one has ever hit him before. He likes pain, he can take rough and hard, he can take _a lot_ of things, but never this. With a loud shout he gathers all the strength he has only left - anger helpfully supplies him with some more - and pushes Minjae away. Guy stumbles and loses his footing, falling on the floor. Ten scrambles on the bed, breathing shakily, hearing only his loud heartbeat in his ears. He doesn’t see red, but anger shimmers in his whole body, waiting for him to unleash it.

‘What the fuck, dude!’ Minjae asks, bewildered and annoyed. ‘What the- I thought you were _into_ that shit?’

It takes three seconds for his words to register inside Ten’s mind and three more seconds for him to understand them. He stares at Minjae and realizes that this slap happened not because Minjae is some kind of problematic abusive guy, but because he thought that Ten was into it, that this is what Ten expected from him. Misunderstanding is clear and Ten’s anger dissipates, like a balloon. Minjae stares at him back with confusion written all over his face and Ten still wants to punch him very much, but he’s holding himself together.

‘What did just happen?’ Minjae repeats and this time he doesn’t sound scandalized. He stands up from the floor and without an ounce of shame about his nudity, looks at Ten questioningly: ‘We did not talk about pushing.’

‘We did not talking about slapping either!’ Ten lashes out, unable to contain himself. His right cheek burns and touching it makes him angrier.

‘But you said-’ Minjae starts and then his eyes widen, his mouth opens up in shock: ‘Dude, you’re like, not into it? _At all?_ ’

Ten thinks that if Minjae calls him ‘dude’ one more time he’s going to punch him. And if he hears this stupid ‘you’re not into it?’ question then he’s going to cut off his dick. Minjae sputters and quickly grabs his t-shirt from the floor, pulling it on and searching for his underwear in the process. When he’s more than decent - almost fully dressed - he purposefully apologizes to Ten, saying that there was a misunderstanding and he’d never slap anyone unless he thought it’s their thing.

‘It’s not my thing,’ Ten assures him in venomous voice and Minjae holds both of his hands up in a gesture of surrender. ‘Get the fuck out of here.’

‘Okay-okay,’ he grabs his jacket and rushes to the door, almost tripping on his way out. Next to the door he pauses, looking up at Ten: ‘I’m sorry again. But… Listen, about payment-’

‘I’m gonna cut your dick off,’ Ten informs him in a flat tone, pulling blanket all over himself.

Minjae leaves without saying anything else, shutting door behind him silently. Ten stares at it for a long time, comprehending what has happened. Thoughts in his head swirl in a too rapid fashion and he can’t concentrate on just one thought. It’s hard to tell exactly what he feels, there is a big mix of different emotions filling his heart. It gets overwhelming instantly and Ten shuts his eyes, lying back on bed, breathing in deeply and breathing out on the count of three. Emotions are difficult when they come all at you at once, but what Ten knows for sure is that he doesn’t want to spend any minute more in this room. He gets dressed, cringing at soreness, and just shoots a text to Johnny. Facing him right now is going to be unbearable - facing anyone right now when he’s in the state of a total confusion is horrible, because Ten can’t fake smile and act like he’s okay when he doesn’t know what he feels. He leaves as fast as he can, checking his group chats in order to see who’s home and who isn’t. Yukhei sent few photos of all them with NCT dream members and Ten breathes out sigh of relief - he can peacefully be at home alone. He doesn’t notice how his hands shake while he waits for his taxi nor does he notice how this shaking does not stop even when he reaches his dorm. In quick steps he shortens the distance between the buildings and few moments later he’s in elevator, fumbling with keys in his hands. Anxiety is different for everyone and not only about the ways that it occurs, but also at the time when it occurs: someone has it immediately after something disturbing happened, while someone have their little breakdown after hours pass. Ten is number two and when he finally enters their home, he feels all nerves in his body tighten up. It’s a tell-tale sign that anxiety is on the way and Ten goes to the kitchen to grab glass of water. His throat feels parched and his hands are slippery when he searches for clean glasses. Ten is so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t even hear approaching footsteps and when someone calls out his name, he almost falls on his butt. When Ten turns around he does not expect to see Kun so he almost bites his tongue in shock. Kun stands in front of him in his pyjamas - old linen pants that are so well-worn they turned grey even though they used to be white - and simple white t-shirt. Ten’s mind short-circuits and he’s nowhere near the state when he can have a conversation with Kun and only thing he can think about is: _This is bad. This is very, very bad._

+=+

Kun blinks and shakes his head a little as if Ten can be just a figment of his imagination. He didn’t stay long with other guys, wanting to relish silence of dormitory, cause that doesn’t happen very often. He was going to watch some movie in the living room, when door opened with a loud slam. Curious to see who came back, he did not expect to see Ten in the kitchen, chugging water down like he’s been starved from it for days.

‘Ten?’ Kun calls, unsure if he should approach the other guy or not. He was still angry from today’s encounter and didn’t exactly want a repetition of it. ‘What are you doing here?’

 _Weren’t you supposed to be with Johnny?_ doesn’t leave his mouth, although the implication is clear as a day. Ten stares at him and Kun stiffens up because Ten looks…weird. There’s something in his appearance or general aura that disturbs Kun a lot. He can’t exactly point his finger on what’s different, but there is no life, no usual fire in Thai boy’s eyes and this is not a normal thing. Leader forgets all about his anger and takes a tentative step closer, furrowing his eyebrows as his gaze rakes over Ten again and again in an attempt to check if he’s hurt.

‘Are you okay?’ He asks in a whisper but in the silence of the kitchen it sounded as loud as a thunder. Kun looks down and notices how Ten’s fingers shake a little. ‘Ten? Is everything okay? Did something happen?’

Kun knows this condition of Ten - their main dancer is five seconds away from having an anxiety attack and Kun always was the one who helped him through it. His heart wants to break off his chest and jump into Ten’s hands. His heart aches because he knows how awful can anxiety feel and he doesn’t want Ten to feel it, ever. Just when he’s about to take another step closer and pull this fragile boy into his arms, his mind suddenly supplies him with a very important piece of information - Ten was with Johnny. He came like _this_ after Johnny. Kun quickly blinks few times, his hands turn into fists. Anger that has been there before for Ten, now turned around and unleashed towards Johnny. Trying to control his reaction, Kun clears his throat as he notices that Ten doesn’t reply.

‘What happened?’ He asks and this time his voice resonates throughout whole room and Ten startles, looking up at him. Kun sees how his member comes back to reality, snapping out of whatever he was thinking. ‘Did Johnny hurt you?’

Ten looks so shocked by this statement that for a second Kun feels guilty. ‘ _What?_ What made you think that?!’

‘Because you were with Johnny?’ Kun asks in clarification and Ten opens his mouth to say something but then promptly closes it, not saying anything.

‘Johnny did _not_ hurt me!’

Ten doesn’t just say it, he _snarls_ and sounds so defensive that Kun’s annoyance topples over. Ten’s hoodie, now unzipped, falls a bit over his shoulder and Kun’s eyes zero on bruises on his collarbones. They are not just red, they’re this awful purple color. He can’t believe that Ten stands on side of someone who obviously did something that rattled him, something that caused his anxiety to awaken. _Do you love him that much?_ Kun wants to shout, his heart breaking into million pieces. _So much that you let him do this to you?_

‘Your hands are shaking,’ Kun states, trying to not make this an argument, although this is a lost cause. They both are already heated, have been for many weeks now. ‘So of course I assumed-’

‘Stop assuming about things that you don’t even know,’ Ten says in a rushed tone, sounding like he’s out of breath.

‘How could I know if you don’t talk to me?!’ Kun asks, rising his voice.

‘ _You_ are the one who started it, so that’s very hypocritical of you to say so!’ Ten shouts back.

Ten never really raised his voice on him, so it strikes Kun differently. He tries to stay calm, he really does, because at least one of them should be mature. ‘Don’t take out your anger on me,’ Kun says levelly, although his eyes are murderous. ‘It’s Johnny’s fault, not mine.’

‘What _is_ Johnny’s fault?’ Ten asks, his breathing quickening. His pulse thrums in his ears and he knows he should stop or else he’ll say stuff that he doesn’t mean out of anger, but it’s too late now. ‘Why the fuck you are so against him? What did he _do_?!’

‘Are you for real right now?’ Kun blows up, throwing hands in the air. ‘ _Look at you_ \- you are shaking, Ten, you’re about to have an anxiety attack and you’re asking me what is Johnny’s fault?’

Ten groans in frustration and it apparently got too hot for him, because he unzips his hoodie and throws it on the nearest chair, sighing. Kun’s eyes zero on reddish bruises on his arms, collarbones and even on his hips that get visible when Ten’s t-shirt rides up when he lifts his arms. Kun can picture very clearly how he got these bruises, how Johnny put them on him and blood in his veins gets replaced with poison. He feels indisputable urge to hurt, to punch, to give any way out to this hurtful anger. Tension in the room could be cut with a knife and it gets worse when Ten mutters: ‘It’s not Johnny’s fault. Johnny didn’t do anything.’

Kun answers before his brain fully proceeds his own words: ‘Does he fuck you that good?’

Ten freezes and Kun stares right at him, meets his shocked gaze dead on. He can’t believe he said that out loud, but it’s too late to go back now, he might as well say everything what he thinks. Honesty is the best policy, after all. He takes a step closer and invades Ten’s space, towering over him just slightly.

‘What?’ Ten asks in a breathy tone, it comes out more as a gasp.

‘Does he fuck you that good? So good that you keep on coming back to him even when it’s clear that he’s abusing you? Is he that good of a lay?’

It’s cruel. Kun knows. And Ten probably did not deserve it, but Kun’s patience snapped and he’s been tipped over the edge. Ten looks shell-shocked for full five seconds before he recovers, anger flashes in his eyes and he roars, pushing Kun in the chest with his hands.

 _‘Fuck you!’_ He shouts and keeps on pushing and pushing - until Kun doesn’t grab both of his wrists, stopping him. Ten tries to pry his hands free but when his attempts fail he only gets angrier and repeats again: _‘Fuck you!’_

Kun holds him in an iron-clad grip, not being able to tear his eyes away from Ten’s face. Even when he breathes out fire and looks like a dragon, Kun still aches for him. Even when Ten sleeps with another man, Kun still aches for him. This is so fucked up that leader feels sick. Ten stops trashing around and suddenly calms down, way too quick for it to be normal. His eyes narrow and he looks wild, like an untamed animal that’s been pulled into a cage. He pulls his face closer to Kun’s and smiles in a way that promises pain.

‘You know what?’ He asks, his breath fawns over leader’s face. ‘Yes, he fucks me good. Much better than you ever could.’

Kun grits his teeth so hard that his jaw locks. Urge to punch a wall - or better, Johnny’s face - is so strong that he literally feels all his body tense up. Ten’s eyes are trained on him, he’s waiting for his reaction and Kun doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how these words broke him. He’s usually not petty, but right now pain blinds him and the only thing on his mind is the desire to hurt back.

‘Tennie,’ he calls in a sweet way, which makes Ten’s eyes widen. Kun gently rubs his nose against Ten’s and whispers: ‘You’d never know how I could fuck you -’ Ten’s breath hitches - ‘ _because I never would fuck someone like you._ ’

Kun pulls away harshly, letting go of Ten’s wrist. There is numbness in his chest, the one he sees reflected in Ten’s eyes. They stare at each other for few seconds and Kun walks away, leaving his heart at Ten’s feet in that room. Kun’s supposed to feel like a winner, because last word was his, but instead he feels like he lost. Everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. okay. OKAY I DID THAT and now im going to hope that all of you are okay :) 
> 
> on another note, i honestly am not very good with warnings so if what happened in the first part of this chapter is somehow triggering and i should put warnings in the tags - please let me know!!
> 
> also, i think we can make something useful/good in comments? whoever comments (and thank you for that babes, you mean the world to me💜) can also please write either your favorite book or the last one you read? for example, yesterday i finished reading 'Anxious People' by Backman and I absolutely loved it! I'm just a massive fan of this author, all of his books are incredibly touching. Maybe one of you guys will check him out if you didn't know about him! :) so if you do leave a comment - don't forget to add piece about your favorite book! 
> 
> i hope you all are healthy and safe! <3


	6. unveil it

The thing about anxiety is that lately it’s become so romanticized when in reality it’s an ugly, ugly thing. It’s not glamorous or beautifully tragic - it’s feeling like your lungs don’t work properly, it’s thoughts filling your mind to the point where you think you’ll topple over. Ten busies himself with trying to stay calm and keep his breathing under control. During anxiety attacks he learned that what snaps him out of it is reciting things in front of him. He looks around and voices out loud things around him: green hoodie of Hendery, few pairs of socks lying on the ground, his sketchbook, basket for dirty laundry. This puts him back into present, forced focus on what is right there, tangible things, not like his thoughts. Maybe it’s been only five minutes, maybe whole hour passed by the time Ten calmed down enough to stop sitting on the floor. He emptied Hendery’s bottle of cola and fell into his bed, pulling blanket all over himself. _Never would fuck someone like you, never would fuck, someone like you_ \- Kun’s voice haunted him. His thoughts cluttered inside, turning over and over until he felt like his head’s going to explode. Pit in his stomach grew with each passing moment - _never would fuck someone like you_. Someone like _you_. Ten wanted to shout out from frustration. How does Kun view him? As who? Each word from leader cut like a knife - Ten was bleeding all over inside. Strangely enough he didn’t cry or had a desire to do so; numbness settled in him. He played all over again that moment when Kun stepped closer, when his voice was so gentle as he called him ‘ _Tennie_ ’. For a whole second Ten thought that he’s about get kissed. For a whole second he let himself be a fool and thought of kissing Kun. But then all his hopes were shattered with following words and instead of feeling sad and hurt, he felt.. numb. Sometimes when emotions overwhelm him as a result he switches to numbness in order to somehow protect himself, to not let the wave of emotions crush him. It’s hard to tell how many minutes or hours pass but suddenly door to his room is being swing open and Hendery lets himself in.

‘Ge, you’re sleeping?’ He asks in a whisper and when instead of an answer he gets a faint whimper Hendery repeats: ‘Ge? Are you asleep?’

Ten feels bed dip under the weight of another body when Hendery sits on the corner. Warm hand settles on his head, gently carding his hair. Ten doesn’t say anything, has nothing to say, really, but he also doesn’t pretend to be asleep. He turns to his roommate and even without lights turned on Hendery notices puffed up eyes of his older group mate. Knowing better than to ask what happened, Hendery simply quickly changes into other clothes and presses a small kiss on Ten’s forehead with ‘I’ll be back soon’ words. Ten waits for him, waits until Hendery is done washing up and then moves to the other side o the bed, making space for his friend. Hendery grabs his own pillow and shimmies under Ten’s blanket, his cold hands immediately wrapping around Ten’s warm ones.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Hendery asks even though he knows the answer. Ten shakes his head. Hendery sighs and basically plasters himself to Ten’s back, wrapping his arms and legs around Thai boy like an octopus. ‘Can we cuddle then?’

Ten wants to laugh but it comes out as a whimper instead. Hendery’s hold on him tightens and Ten has never been more thankful for sharing a room with this wonderful gentle boy. Hendery never pushes, is very in tune with emotions of others and brings calm aura everywhere around him. Ten calms down despite his anger, because when Hendery holds you like this it’s hard to stay angry no matter how hard you try.

‘Sleep,’ Hendery’s whisper made Ten sigh. ‘We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?’

+=+

They didn’t talk about it in the morning. Or the day after. Hendery tried to start up a conversation with him but Ten swiftly changed the subject every single time. It’s been two days since he had last talked to Kun and atmosphere in the dormitory turned from usual cheery one to sullen. Even most oblivious members noticed tension between two oldest group mates. No one dared to voice it out loud, but all members were worried about whatever happened between two oldest group members. They never stay in the same room together, don’t talk and hardly ever had any contact in the passed time. Ten, although he knew it’s childish, took a strategy of complete ignorance. Kun stopped existing for him on the outside side of the world. Kun, from his side, seemed to choose the same strategy. Not a single word was spoken between them, not a single glance shared. On outside Ten behaved completely fine, he continued to tease others and got a bit more active than usual, but on the inside he felt nothing. Cold numbness that settled on that night of the fight with Kun didn’t want to go anywhere. It felt horrible, like a cold winter settled in his heart instead of an usual warm spring. Yangyang tried to reach out for him, tried starting up a conversation two times, but Ten felt irrational anger towards younger boy. He felt kind of betrayed, because he may be ignoring Kun, but he’s not blind. He could see Yangyang and Kun talking, whispering to each other, being close to each other. _They are talking about me_ , his mind supplied him every single time. _What are they saying? What are they saying about me?_ These kind of thoughts occupied his mind. He wanted to shake Yangyang and make him spill everything Kun said to him and in the fear that he might actually do so, Ten also minimized his contact with the younger.

On Wednesday, the third day of ignorance, Kun gathered everyone for a movie-drink kind of night. As always on these kind of nights, movie gets forgotten pretty quickly and everyone’s just chilling with beer or something heavier in their hands, all spread out around living room. Hendery tried his best to always stay beside Ten’s side all days and Thai boy was immensely thankful for that. Hendery felt that he needed an emotional support and he offered it to him with no questions asked. What can be better? Ten adored this boy.

‘Guys, have you heard latest rumor by the way?’ Yukhei drawls lazily, scratching behind Bella’s ears.

Xiaojun and Sicheng stop their muted conversation, Yangyang and Kun look up from where they were tending to their cats and Hendery and Ten also turn to Yukhei, because hey, who doesn’t like a good gossip? It’s always interesting. Yukhei, seeing that he got everyone’s attention, smiles broadly and sits up straighter.

‘About who?’ Sicheng asks, cooing at Louis adoringly. ‘Us?’

‘Nah, about Johnny,’ Yukhei spreads his legs on the sofa, grinning. ‘No one heard? That he’s dating this girl from Red Velvet… I forgot her name.’

‘Which one?’ Xiaojun asks as everyone around lets out stream of ‘ _oooh_ ’. ‘Joy?’

‘Is she the one who speaks English?’ Yukhei asks quizzically.

‘That’s Wendy,’ Yangyang corrects and rolls his eyes when Sicheng makes a snarky comment about how good Yangyang knows members of that girl group. ‘Wait, he’s dating Wendy?’

‘That’s just a rumor,’ Kun huffs out, sipping on his beer.

Everyone keeps on discussing this but Ten tunes out everyone else, his attention zeroes on Kun. The way leader said it, the ‘ _that’s just a rumor_ ’ thing like the possibility of it to be real is zero. And that irked Ten for some reason. _Why Kun was so sure that this is a rumor? Is it because he thought that Johnny_ … Ten almost falls off the sofa when realization hits him. Kun thinks that it’s impossible because Kun thinks that he and Johnny are together. Because Kun is sure that whenever Ten got out at nights he went to Johnny. Because Kun thinks that Ten and Johnny are fucking.

‘Well, I think it’s true,’ Yukhei counters. ‘I saw Wendy and Johnny together the other day at cafeteria.’

‘We can have females as our friends, platonic friends. Can you imagine that, Yukhei?’ Kun asks and Yukhei puffs his cheeks, offended. ‘I’m sure it’s just a rumor.’

‘Why?’

It takes Ten two seconds to realize that he asked it out loud. Hendery’s hold on him tightens just a fraction and everyone looks at him with wide eyes, mostly because it’s the first time in days that Ten actually responded somehow to Kun. Ten is equally surprised. Leader himself looked shocked but he quickly masked it under neutral facial expression. Kun clears his throat, ready to answer, but something in Ten burns hot, needs to be let out and Thai member continues: ‘Why are you so sure that this is just a rumor? Can’t Johnny date Wendy?’

There’s aggression in his tone, Ten knows. He also immediately feels how their comfortable/chill atmosphere changes and gets more tense as Ten and Kun stare at each other from different corners of the room. Kun stares back at him, eyes hard, calculating. _What are you playing at?_ is written all over Kun’s face and leader knows that Ten probably just provokes him on purpose, but he doesn’t take a bait. Ten refuses to let go or drop the subject, though. Days of silence made him jumpy, ready to fight. He wants to shout and scream and - he just wants to let out all his pent up frustration out. Why not let it out on Kun? He waits for leader to say something, but person who actually answers his question turns out to be Yangyang.

‘I always thought that Johnny is gay,’ he says boldly, looking up at Ten.

This gets a reaction from all other members but not from Ten and Kun. Their silent battle continues and Ten kind of wants to jump and scratch Kun’s face. Thank god Hendery has his arms wrapped around him.

‘Ten ge is closest to Johhny out all of us though,’ Sicheng says. ‘Ge, is he gay? We’re just curious.’

Ten blinks. He can lie right now, of course. Three days before he stated to Kun that Johnny fucks him, so if he tells the truth then Kun will realize that he lied and- _god, this is so fucked up_. Temptation to lie so he can save his face in front of Kun is big. But Ten can’t. He may not be an angel, but he also is not going to tell such a straight up lie about other person in front of so many people.

‘No,’ Ten lets out and then clears his throat and repeats louder, looking right into Kun’s eyes: ‘No. Johnny is not gay. Johnny is not even a bi. He’s the straightest guy I know.’

Ten doesn’t hear what other members say afterwards. He has tunnel vision for Kun and to watch how emotions change on leader’s face is fascinating. At first Kun looks shell-shocked then he looks suspicious but then an understanding dawns upon him and there’s so much regret in his eyes then that Ten has to look away, because he can’t stand it. Hendery’s hand starts to gently rub his sides and it provides a nice distraction from Kun’s burning gaze on him.

‘So is it true then? About Wendy? Ge, did Johnny tell you anything?’ Xiaojun asks, looking like an excited puppy. Ideas of love and relationships always made him like that. ‘Are they dating?’

Ten bites his lower lip. ‘He didn’t exactly tell me that they started dating, so I don’t really know. And not like I can tell his secrets right now.’

‘Oh c’mon ge, we’re just asking if it’s a rumor or not!’ Yukhei protests. ‘Are they just friends?’

‘He is interested in her,’ Ten says and smiles when younger members cheer. ‘But that’s all I’m going to tell.’

‘Aw, you’re not fun, ge!’

‘The hell? I’m the most fun out of all of you!’ Ten lets out indignantly, throwing pillow in Yukhei’s face.

Everyone laughs and all the tension evaporates from the room instantly as everyone starts chatting about how hard it is to somehow start dating secretly. Ten hopes he did not cross the line here, because all NCT 127 members know about Johnny and Wendy, so it’s not really a secret. He takes a chance and glances at Kun, wanting to see leader’s reaction. Kun looks deep in a thought, staring at his own hands, eyebrows furrowed. Next to him Yangyang does his best to pretend that he’s not worried about leader, but he’s moving closer and closer to him until their knees brush. Maknae places his hand on Kun’s thigh and Kun looks up, smiling a little - something inside Ten churns. It’s jealousy, of course. After months of pining after Kun, Ten became very well accustomed with this emotion. He hates how he still feels jealous even when Kun made it clear that he’ll never see Ten in remotely sexual way. Ten wants to turn away, but like a pure masochist he continues to watch Kun and Yangyang, how they talk only with their eyes, how Kun pats Yangyang’s shoulder in a ‘everything is alright’ gesture but Yangyang doesn’t look convinced by it at all. Ten, just like everyone else in the group, of course knows about Kun’s weakness for their youngest member. Knows that if something happened with anyone from the group including Yangyang, Kun will first run to maknae’s side. He always thought it’s because Yangyang is the youngest. Although Yangyang is literally the last person who gives out ‘help me’ vibes, most of the members see him as a bit reckless kid, who needs to be watched over. Ten knows that Kun doesn’t have feelings for Yangyang. Ten _knows_ that. But his jealousy whispers other things into his ear. It makes him see these two in other light, in a more intimate setting and Ten suddenly can’t stand the sight of Kun smiling at Yangyang. He taps two times on Hendery’s hand and as soon as he’s free from encircling him arms, Ten flees to the bathroom. He’s sure that his departure was way too sudden but he couldn’t sit in the same room with Kun and Yangyang any more. _God, how frustrating._ Emotions in general are hard to deal with or to control, but what Ten hates the most is when emotions betray him. He wants to be angry. He wants to not care. He wants Kun out of his mind and of his heart, if that is possible. But instead he’s jealous and his mind seems to be stuck on their leader. He sighs and goes to the sink, splashing water on his face. _Get a grip._ Ten reaches out for the towel when someone knocks and then opens the door. Thai member is not even surprised to see Kun in front of him, because who else could it be? Of course it’s Kun.

‘Hi,’ he says and Ten freezes for a second because it’s a first time Kun ever spoke to him after that argument. As Ten says nothing on this Kun sighs and tries again: ‘Can we talk?’

‘About?’ Ten asks in the coldest tone he can master. He can’t bare to look at Kun right now, so he busies himself with folding towel in his hands over and over again.

‘You know about what,’ Kun says and he sounds both tired and apologetic. It’s horrible, it makes Ten want to hug him and tell him not to worry. ‘I’m… Ten, can we- can you come into my room tonight? To talk?’

‘I have nothing to say.’

Ten can’t exactly explain why he’s being difficult. Maybe it’s because he’s hurt and he wants to hurt back. Maybe he is just not ready for any kind of conversation with Kun. Maybe he’s afraid that during this conversation he will say too much, open up too much.

‘If you don’t have anything to say then I do,’ Kun says and his voice sounds like steel, which makes Ten look up. ‘If you don’t want to do it for me, then do it for our group. What is going on between us affects all of them.’

Ten wants to laugh out loud on this. ‘ _What is going on between us?_ That’s a good one, care to tell me what exactly _is_ going on between us?’ He asks, his tone bordering on hysterical. Kun presses his lips into a tight line and looks grim, so Ten takes two steps closer, hissing: ‘ _Nothing_. There is nothing between us.’

 _Which is the problem_ , he wants to add, but doesn’t. Of course Kun would use their group as an instrument to manipulate him to agree for a conversation. And of course Ten would agree because if there is something that all of them know and agree on is that group comes first. Always. Absence of a choice irritates him. Gritting his teeth, Ten mutters: ‘I’ll come to you at eleven.’

Kun stares at him for few more seconds and then nods. ‘Thank you,’ he sounds grateful but Ten only rolls his eyes on this. ‘I’ll be waiting.’

With these words leader goes out of the bathroom and Ten stands alone, gripping towel in his hands. Obviously this talk should have happened sooner or later, but he thought it’s going to be later, when he’ll be more emotionally prepared. He checks time - two more hours till _the talk_ with Kun. He sighs and bypasses living room, going to his own room instead. Two more hours. Instead of killing himself with all possible scenarios of how the conversation could go, Ten chooses to drown out his thoughts in music. He draws, lets his imagination run wild and his hands move freely - with headphones on and volume turned to the maximum he soon forgets about the outside world. Drawing is a therapy - it’s a safe place, some kind of bubble where nothing bothers him. He draws, dirties his fingers and back of his palms in charcoal, but his heart is at peace. He gets so into it that when alarm rings he feels disorientated for few seconds.

‘Finally,’ Hendery lets out, when Ten takes off headphones. ‘You didn’t even notice how I came in and didn’t respond when I called you few times.’

‘Sorry,’ Ten says, standing up and stretching his back. ‘Got carried away.’

‘I can tell,’ Hendery mutters and then frowns, looking worried. ‘Ge, you wanna talk? Is everything okay?’

Ten blinks and groans, remembering about talk with Kun. ‘No, everything is fine. Don’t worry.’ He smiles, but it doesn’t fool Hendery. Ten comes closer and ruffles his hair, repeating that he’s fine again. ‘I’ll go talk with Kun, so don’t wait for me, your eyes are half-closed, go sleep.’

Hendery yawns but still frowns and ends up looking like a distraught panda. Ten coos. ‘Don’t fight with Kun ge,’ Hendery whispers, taking off his hoodie. ‘Alright?’

Ten purses his lips but nods. ‘Yeah, alright.’

He takes a look on a mess that he made on the floor, but decides to take care of it in the morning. Before going to Kun, he washes his hands and spends few seconds trying out breathing techniques. _You are not going there to fight,_ he reminds himself, breathing in deeply. _Don’t lose your temper_. Easier said than done, of course. He goes to Kun’s room with all the confidence he can only muster, but the second he knocks on the door, all that confidence evaporates in the air. Kun opens the door and steps to the side, letting him in silently. It’s been a while since Ten’s been in leader’s room and nothing really changed here, but he still looks around like it’s his first time here. It doesn’t escape his notice how Kun locks the door and how uncomfortable he looks, staring mostly at the ground.

‘Sit wherever you want,’ leader mumbles, pointing at his bed, chair at the corner and small sofa next to his guitar.

Ten chooses chair at the corner, mostly because it’s the furthest thing from Kun. He sits, realizes how uncomfortable it is, but stubbornly continues to sit there, avoiding looking at the leader. His mind supplies him with all the other memories of them together in this room: laughing till they cry, hugging each other close when they’re sad, sharing secrets in hushed whispers. Silence stretches and Ten clears his throat, feeling as tense as ever.

‘So? You said you have something to say,’ he says, looking down at his feet.

There’s a long drawn out sigh then sound of rustling of clothes and finally: ‘Ten. Please look at me.’

Ten’s head snaps up before he can even control it. Kun is staring at him with eyes full of regret and it gets Ten’s heart so heavy that for a second he stops breathing. Once Kun sees that he got his attention, he fumbles, apology on his lips: ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I said that night, it was cruel and I said it without thinking straight. You did not deserve it at all. I’m sorry.’

Kun is sincere, Ten knows. He can see it in his eyes, can feel it in his tone, in his emotions. Ten can try and act as tough as he want, but in the end he will always be a sensitive boy, who puts his guard up for the rest of the world. A guard that Kun knows how to break. Ten is not ready to say that he forgives Kun - he knows some part of a blame is on his shoulders too - so instead he tries to dig for the truth.

‘Why did you say it?’ He asks in a low voice. ‘You thought Johnny and I were…together?’

Kun rubs his temples and sighs before nodding. ‘It looked like that to me. You were always close with him, always talked about him and whenever you went out at night I thought you went to him.’

Ten tries to see whole situation from Kun’s point of view and bites his lower lip when he understands that it really _did_ look like that. Kun’s assumptions were not born out of a thin air in the end. Just when he’s about to give a retort, Kun asks: ‘You said that you and Johnny were…’

He doesn’t finish that sentence but he didn’t need to. Ten chews his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t want to lie anymore, but telling the truth is also not an option because he’s far too scared to do so. Kun doesn’t insist, doesn’t pressure, just patiently waits for his answer and Ten simply can’t. He can’t tell the truth, can’t say ‘ _I said it because your words hurt me_ ’, because admitting that is too much. The only logical thing to do is to revert the question and so he mutters: ‘Why do you hate Johnny so much?’

Kun blinks, taken aback by that question. ‘I don’t hate him,’ he says and Ten is surprised to learn that he’s being honest. ‘I don’t- oh my god, I don’t hate Johnny. I’m just…’ Kun trails off and Ten holds his breath, waiting for what’s about to come: ‘I’m just… jealous. Of him.’

Ten’s breath hitches. He tries his best not to make assumptions, not to create theories of what Kun’s words might mean - he’s done with false assumptions that rise his hope. His pulse quickens and heart starts galloping in his chest as he asks: ‘Why?’

Kun looks up, tired and worn out. ‘You know _why_ , Ten.’

With parched throat main dancer spits out: ‘Our miscommunication and false assumptions got us here. So no, I don’t know _why_ , Kun. Tell me.’

Ten feels goosebumps all over his body because Kun’s gaze could have burned a hole in him. Ten stands on his ground though and doesn’t look away - he holds Kun’s gaze even if the only thing he wants to do is look away. Ten is scared. Scared of what Kun’s answer might do to him, to _them_. Fear grips him so tight that he’s almost paralyzed; but at the same time excitement rushes through his veins, because what if. What if Kun feels the same? What if they can be together? _What if, what if…_.

‘You want the truth?’ Kun asks and Ten hesitantly nods. Leader stands up, staring right at Ten: ‘Alright, here’s the truth. I’m jealous of Johnny because he has you. I’m jealous of Johnny because you’re so close to him. I’m jealous of Johnny because I thought you loved him. Because-’ Kun comes close and stops when he’s one step away from Ten, ‘-because I am in love with you. Have been for a while now.’

Ten’s heart stops for few seconds and then starts beating twice as hard as it did before. Kun looks open, not vulnerable or fragile, like he didn’t just drop a bomb, like he didn’t just say something that can flip Ten’s world around. He looks at Ten and waits for a response, but Ten’s tongue refuses to move and form words. There is an unexplainable feeling of euphoria within him but also sinking feeling of fear that grips all his insides. He dreamt about this moment so much that when it happens in reality he can’t believe in it.

‘Do you love him?’ Kun asks, bringing Ten back to the present. ‘You said he’s straight but it doesn’t mean that you can’t-’

‘I don’t love Johnny,’ Ten quickly interrupts him, because he’s not letting this man get carried away with his thoughts again. ‘Not in that way. He’s just a friend.’ Kun looks visibly relived to hear that and it makes Ten smile. He then again looks up and takes a small step forward, cutting the distance between them. ‘So you lied about Johnny fucking you.’

It’s not a question but Ten still nods. Something in Kun’s demeanor changes, his past guilty look gone. Now his eyes are glinting with _something_ that makes Ten shiver. He’s still sitting on the chair and has to look up to look at the leader. Kun’s hand gently lands on his shoulder and slowly moves up his neck, getting tangled in his nape hair.

‘Where did you go on the nights when you went out then?’ He asks in a calm tone, but authoritative notes in it make it clear that not answering this question won’t work.

Ten swallows. ‘Me and Johnny went to a hotel, a secluded place, completely anonymous.’

‘For sex?’ Kun asks to clarify and Ten nods. Leader hums thoughtfully, fingers carding through Ten’s hair. ‘And at that night when you came home, Johnny did not hurt you, but you were still shaken up. What happened?’

‘Things went wrong with one of the guys there,’ Ten answers, closing his eyes as Kun starts gently massaging back of his head. He knows Kun needs details, but he is not going to give them, not now. ‘But it’s all good now.’

Kun doesn’t say anything on this, but his hand moves south and soon he’s cupping Ten’s jaw tenderly. This makes Ten open his eyes and look up, meeting leader’s gaze dead on. He does not like the advantage of height that Kun has, so Ten also stands up, swallowing when their chests brush. They are standing far too close now, same as they did on the night of the argument, but energy is different now. It’s tense but in a way that makes Ten’s fingers curl with anticipation.

‘I also lied,’ Kun says, his breath fans over Ten’s mouth.

‘About what?’ Main dancer asks, shivering when Kun cups his head with both hands.

‘I lied when I said that I’d never fuck someone like you.’ It’s deadly. The way Kun is looking at him now - it’s deadly. Ten licks his bottom lip and gleefully watches as Kun’s eyes get stuck on this movement. Leader leans in and brushes their noses together. Ten’s eyes close involuntarily but they snap open when Kun whispers: ‘Making love to you is all I ever think about.’

Violent shiver runs through his body and Kun feels it, smirks because of it. He looks so confident, like he has an upper hand and usually Ten would have hated that, hated that he’s not the one who’s smirking, hated that he’s not the one who has control over the situation. He rarely tops in sex, but he’s a hundred percent a power bottom, always the one who has upper hand. But it’s different with Kun. With Kun he feels thrill of excitement rush through him on the idea of giving the reins over to him. With Kun he almost shakes with desire to let go, to fully surrender and give himself completely up, be at a total mercy of Kun. He leans in, cuts distance between their mouths and presses them together. It’s not a kiss, not really - just a tight press of lips on lips, but fireworks explode in Ten’s heart. Kun breaks them apart merely a second after, his grip gentle but strong. _Just like I thought it would be_ , Ten thinks and bites his lower lip. _This is real_.

‘Who even says ‘making love’ anymore?’ He asks in a teasing manner, placing his hands on top of Kun’s.

‘I say,’ Kun answers seriously, although his breathing is ragged. Ten wants to shout out of joy, because he got Kun worked up with a simple chaste kiss. The fact that this was enough makes him feel drunk on power. ‘Fucking is what you did in that hotel with some other guys. Meaningless, absent of feelings. But with me-’ Kun presses closer and their hips align in a way that makes Ten shudder, ‘-it will only be love making. With feelings.’

‘Someone is very sure that we are going to do that,’ Ten says, swiping his tongue over his lips and intentionally doing it in the way that he knows is sexy.

Kun rises his eyebrow. ‘One would think so, if he’s being kissed.’

Touché. Ten grips Kun’s hands and slowly takes them away from his face. ‘You didn’t ask me if I have feelings for you,’ he says, intertwining their fingers together.

Kun smiles and rises their intertwined hands close to their faces. ‘I think this is the answer, no?’

Ten smiles. Kun knows how he’s not very open his feelings, how he’s always embarrassed to talk about them. And maybe it is not fair to say nothing when Kun bared his heart to him, but Ten is not ready yet. And Kun, being a perfect gentleman, doesn’t push. He’s so good that Ten feels like kissing his face nonstop for now.

‘Ten, I’m really sorry,’ Kun repeats, face serious. ‘I was angry and I said that with intention to hurt you. I didn’t mean any of the words I said.’

Ten nods, gripping Kun’s hands. ‘I understand. I’m sorry for lying too.’

Kun smiles and it’s that smile that Ten missed so much. The one Kun gives only to close people, the one filled with warmth and love. Ten smiles back and Kun pulls him in for a hug. Ten goes willingly, breathes in familiar scent of Kun and basks in this touch, wanting to stay here forever.

‘Let’s take this slow, yeah?’ Kun whispers into his ear, his hands moving from Ten’s back to his hips.

‘I’m not very patient,’ Ten admits and smiles when Kun chuckles.

Leader grips his hips and carefully moves lower, hands just barely brushing main dancer’s ass. ‘Good things take time.’

Ten turns his head a little and licks Kun’s neck, making leader shiver. ‘I’m not patient at all.’

Kun grips his butt and Ten bites back a groan, clutching on Kun’s shoulders. God, this feels _so good_. ‘Is this what you want?’ He tightens his grip and Ten nods, pushing their hips together. ‘And this?’ Kun’s hand pushes his pajama bottoms down, suddenly touching bare skin. Ten shudders, presses even closer, when leader starts massaging his right asscheek. ‘Tennie?’

Ten keens at this. ‘Yeah,’ he mumbles into Kun’s shoulder. ‘Like that.’

‘No, baby,’ Kun says and use of nickname gets Ten harder. Ten shakes his head, not okay with this and tries to wriggle out of Kun’s embrace, offended, but leader doesn’t let him.

‘Hey-hey, Tennie, baby, I want you, I do, okay?’ He lets go of Ten’s ass and grips his waist instead. ‘But not like this, not when we didn’t really talk about this. But I want you. Can’t you feel it?’

Kun’s bulge presses right against Ten’s one and Ten never hated clothes more than now. Kun smiles and presses small kiss on dancer’s lips. ‘Go to sleep,’ he says quietly. ‘Think everything over and we’ll talk then, okay?’

Ten nods. This is the only right thing to do, he knows. Kun lets him out and lingers next to the door with him, not letting go of his hand. A sudden thought crosses his mind and he blurts out without thinking twice: ‘You’re not with Xiaojun, right?’

Kun blinks, eyes going wide as saucers. ‘What?!’

‘Or Yangyang, for that matter.’ Ten adds, just to be sure.

Kun stands shocked and then starts laughing, shaking his head. ‘No, Ten. I’m not with Xiaojun or Yangyang. I don’t have feelings for them.’

Ten nods, pleased. ‘But you have feelings for _me_.’

Kun’s expression softens and he nods, smiling. ‘Yeah, I do.’

Ten smiles and lets go of leader’s hand. ‘Good.’

Kun rises one eyebrow, unimpressed. ‘Just good? That’s it?’

Ten nods nonchalantly and starts walking towards his own room. ‘For now - yes. I need to think everything over as you said.’

Kun shakes his head, eyes warm with affection. Ten tries to stop himself from smiling and turns away, heart light as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are officially past the point of angst, so you all can stop holding your breath for some bomb to drop :D it's all gonna be good now!
> 
> i mentioned it in the beginning but this fic was never meant to be a long one, so yep, i'll be wrapping it up in 2-3 chapters. so we're nearing the end! hope you liked this chapter, let me know what your thoughts!
> 
> also, SPRING IS HERE. FINALLY. and on top of that my city is not in lockdown anymore so things are pretty great:) how are you doing, babes? 
> 
> let's recommend in the comments 2-3 songs that got stuck in your head lately. i gotta update my playlist!
> 
> as always, love you all and thank you for reading this story <3


	7. hearts full of excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! in honor of COMEBACK OF THE KINGS here is a new chapter for you all!! 
> 
> but. BUT. bear with me for three more seconds as I have something important to say. It was brought to my attention that on other websites (twitter, for instance) you are able to find a translation of this. Here's a thing: no one asked for my permission. which, in all honesty, is weird, because as long as you show up at the comments and ask for permission to translate this story to other language I would easily and excitedly grant you the permission. So, I am bothered by the fact that this story is being translated and I am not even given the link to it! People, c'mon, at least give me the link so I can share with others? 
> 
> anyway, that's the end of my rumbling. if anyone of you will give me the link for the translation that'd be greatly appreciated. thank you! now enjoy the chapter.

It’s hectic. Company suddenly decides to make a tv show with all of the units and Kun in matter of three days attends more meetings than he had in last three months. As a leader of WayV, his presence is obligatory and as a representer of his group, his behavior is on top notch position. It’s tiring, to always have to watch yourself, how you sit, how you stand, be aware of the tone of your voice, choose the right words, keep perfectly neutral expression on your face at most of the times. Kun’s Korean is not bad, but he’s nowhere near fluent in it, so sitting in the company of a translator is his best option, which obviously is not perfect. He’s very serious about it all, makes sure to remember most important things and position his group in the best light - yes, they are ready, they are thrilled to be in a new tv show; yes, they are so grateful for this opportunity; yes, they’ll be at their best behavior; yes, they’ll be funny and interesting enough to ensure best view rates for the program and the channel. He spends full days at the company, surrounded by people twice his age who look at him and see profit instead of a person. By the end of each day his cheeks hurt from having to smile too much and his headache is is strong, it goes away only after two painkillers. He’s not alone in this of course, other leaders of units are also there, but they seem more at ease than Kun. Taeyong taps his shoulder reassuringly, says that everything will be okay and Kun just nods, although all he can think about it is of course it’s easy for Taeyong to say things like these when his group already gets the most attention. It sounds pitiful even to his own ears and he doesn’t have any negativity towards other units in his heart, but sometimes… it’s hard. Kun understands that this is the chance for his members to shine and he likes the idea of being put into different units: that way they can interact with different people and maybe form more meaningful connections and Kun genuinely wants his members to have many friends in this huge NCT group thing. He delivers all information to his group members and of course they are excited; not exactly because of another units, but more of having a new job, something to do.

‘We really will release new songs?’ Sicheng asks in clarification, his suspicion evident. ‘Like each unit will release a song?’

Kun nods. ‘And we will have a whole album.’

‘That’s cool!’ Yukhei exclaims, throwing fist in the air. ‘Man, it’s been too long since we had a tv show of some sort. Let’s kill it there guys!’

Yukhei’s excitement is infectious. Everyone is cheering and talking animatedly, so Kun quietly slips away to his own room. He hadn’t been sleeping well in those three days, always nervous about his Korean, about his presentation of the group so much that at most he slept three hours at night. Tiredness catches up with him and he sighs, takes off all that formal clothing and changes into his comfortable home wear. All he can think about is how warm his bed is and how fluffy his pillow is and how he’s going to sleep for 24 hours straight. The door to his room opens when he’s done changing and Kun groans, not turning.

‘How many times have I asked to knock first, but no one listens,’ he admonishes, neatly folding his jeans.

When there is no answer to this, Kun turns and sees how Ten locks the door. Thai boy turns around and Kun’s throat tightens with unsaid words and mixed feelings. Ten is just out of the shower, his hair is still wet, white oversized t-shirt clings a bit to his body in the places where he didn’t bother to dry off properly. He shines, he always shines for Kun and suddenly memories of their last talk come to his mind. Kun’s heart jumps in his chest when main dancer crosses the distance between them with a delicate frown gracing his features. Kun immediately wants to do something so it goes away, because frowning does not suit Ten, he should always be smiling.

‘You’ve barely slept,’ Ten states, looking very not pleased. ‘You look like you’re going to fall any minute now. Did you even eat today?’

‘One sandwich in the car on my way to the company,’ Kun answers, feeling tingly all over at the sight of Ten worrying over him.

Ten frowns at this and opens his mouth to say something when Kun grabs both of his hands and intertwines their fingers. Dancer looks taken aback by this, but he still lets leader pull him closer, chests pressed to each other. Kun’s brain is totally malfunctioning now, but he’s tired and sleepy and Ten is _right there_ , looking so pretty and smelling so nice that not to touch him right now would be a crime. Kun leans in, brushes their noses together and then wraps both arms around Ten in a tight hug.

‘Hi,’ he whispers, tucking his face in the crook of Ten’s neck. ‘I missed you.’

He really did. After that talk in his room they didn’t have any time to actually see each other again, although all Kun wanted was to grab Ten and sort everything out between them. Preferably, sort everything out in a way that will let Kun call Ten his boyfriend and kiss him whenever he wants. But amidst all these meetings and general hectic schedule, he couldn’t spare an ounce of his attention to the other boy. Kun felt guilty, but all these meetings were for a group and group always comes first. He hoped Ten didn’t think that he was ignoring him or anything like that.

‘Mister Busy Pants didn’t even have time to come up to me,’ Ten says and while he doesn’t sound angry and is just teasing, Kun still feels pang of guilt. When he looks up, dancer has small smile on his face that immediately slips away once he takes in Kun’s expression. ‘What- hey, I was joking. It’s just a joke, I know how busy you were.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kun still murmurs and Ten rolls his eyes. ‘No, I really am. We had to talk and I couldn’t even make time for it.’

‘About that talk…’ Ten starts, biting his lower lip. ‘Um..’

Hesitation in dancer’s words makes Kun tense up. _God, please don’t have second thoughts over it, don’t turn your back on me_. Kun opened his heart and confessed and he knows, can feel it on some biological level that his feelings are mutual, but Ten can say no due to many circumstances. In truth, Kun didn’t really think over how they are going to work in case Ten agrees, but he didn’t think it mattered at that point. As long as Ten agrees he’ll find a way for them to be together and keep group intact.

‘You don’t want to talk about it?’ Kun asks, all his sleepiness long gone due to nerves.

‘I don’t really see point in mulling it over,’ Ten admits and then presses closer, wrapping his arms around Kun’s neck. ‘I can tell my answer like this.’

He kisses Kun. Not like he did three days ago, but _really_ kisses him. Kun’s response is immediate: he opens his mouth, takes the lead and grips Ten’s hips. Kun kisses him like a starved man that finally have been given a chance to eat - with all vigor and passion. He pours all his emotions into it: all longing, affection and love and happiness from knowing that his feelings are returned. His tongue carefully explores Ten’s mouth, makes main dancer moan lowly and it’s heavenly. It’s all Kun thought it would be and even better. Ten kisses like kissing is an art and he’s a master. He teases, but gives his all too and Kun feels dizzy from having this wonderful boy in his arms. He sucks on his tongue and Ten tightens his grip on his neck in response, pressing himself even closer. Kun loves it, loves how Ten wants to mold himself into his body and he’s all up for it. He breaks the kiss only to start peppering small kisses all over dancer’s jaw and then lower; he bites his earlobe and nibbles at his neck. Ten turns his head to the side, gives him more room and Kun’s mouth salivates at the sight of unmarked beautiful neck.

‘Want to leave hickeys,’ Kun confesses, although he knows very well that it’s not allowed. ‘You have no idea how much I want to suck hickeys all over your neck now.’

Ten squirms and turns, winking. ‘You can leave hickeys on places no one will see but me.’

Ten will be a death for him, Kun knows. He voices it out loud and dancer laughs, throwing his head back and moaning a little when Kun immediately latches on and kisses his neck all over. Ten grabs his head and directs him back at his lips and they are kissing and kissing and Kun never wants to stop. He pushes Ten towards his bed and dancer goes willingly at first but then puts both hands on his chest, pushing.

‘Wait,’ he mutters and Kun instantly stops, breathing heavily. A string of saliva connects their mouths and it’s too erotic, Kun leans and quickly presses short kiss on dancer’s lips anyway. ‘I-’

‘You want to stop?’ Kun asks, forcing his brain to work. ‘We can stop, we’ll go at your pace.’

Ten groans, lightly hitting Kun at the chest. ‘Why are you such a perfect gentleman?!’ He asks like he’s in actual pain and Kun chuckles, not letting Ten go. ‘Besides, if we’d go at my pace, we both would have been naked and in bed long time ago.’

Kun hums, drawing small circles with his thumbs on Ten’s hips. ‘That can be arranged once all members are out.’

Ten inhales deeply at the clear implication and exhales, also calming his beating heart. ‘That’s very nice but this isn’t why I came in the first place.’ Kun looks surprised and Ten slaps his bicep, rolling his eyes. ‘I came to check on our dumbass leader, who looks like a zombie because he doesn’t eat or sleep properly.’

‘The dumbass part actually hurts,’ Kun says and catches Ten’s hand before it slaps him again. ‘You into that? Slapping?’

To his surprise Ten flushes at this. ‘I’m not!’

Kun smirks, deciding to tease him a bit more. ‘I mean, it’s all good, no judgement, we like what we like.’

Ten huffs and this time kicks Kun’s leg. ‘I regret coming here.’

Kun kisses his nose and corner of his lips. ‘I don’t. Thank you for coming to check on me. It means a lot.’

Ten doesn’t say anything, only tips of his ears turn red. Kun knows that main dancer is not very comfortable with showing that he cares; it’s embarrassing for him and he likes to pretend that he’s all tough and like nothing affects him. Kun knows the truth though, knows that Ten worries about their members, cares deeply for them but shows it in a passive-aggressive way like smacking them and shouting ‘stop working yourself to death, go sleep!’. Kun shows his love and attention in other ways, but he is okay with Ten’s passive-aggressive nature as long as he knows that main dancer cares.

‘You really need to sleep,’ Ten says quietly, looking at Kun’s eye bags. ‘Do you have anything tomorrow?’

‘No, thank god. Nothing else, but full schedule for all of us starts in few days though.’ Kun rubs his eyes, suddenly feeling dead on his feet. ‘Stay here?’

He asks without really thinking. Ten blinks and his mouth opens in a perfect ‘o’ shape. Only then Kun’s brain catches up with his mouth and he realizes what he said. He still doesn’t know where exactly do they stand with Ten, so blurting out these words was not very logical. Ten chuckles and turns everything into a joke, says something along the lines of ‘ _well-well, look who wanted to take it slow and now is calling me to bed_ ’ but they both know that question was not about sex. Kun just meant sleeping together, cuddling, bodies pressed to each other in the most platonic and at the same time intimate way. Members obviously noticed that they are no longer in the fight mode, but they also don’t know about the development of their feelings.

‘Sorry,’ Kun lets out awkwardly, barely keeping his eyes open.

‘Stop apologizing,’ Ten chastises him quietly and then steps away, points at the bed: ‘Get in there and sleep. I won’t let anyone terrorize you tonight.’

Kun chuckles and already moves towards the bed when Ten reminds him to brush his teeth first. ‘Right-right. What would I do without you?’

‘Die, probably,’ Ten answers flatly, but he’s smiling and there’s mirth in his facial features.

He walks to the bathroom with him and leaves Kun there with a simple kiss on the lips. There’s an open expression on Ten’s face, one he doesn’t let people see very often. Kun wishes he weren’t so sleepy so he could have energy to kiss him again. Ten smiles, leaves and Kun hears him shouting loud: ‘No one disturbs Kun tonight!’. It makes him chuckle and it’s the last thing he thinks of when he’s finally in the bed, falling asleep.

+=+

It’s too quiet. This is the first thing Kun registers when he opens his eyes from his afternoon nap. He yawns, stretches and walks out from his room, enjoying peaceful silence of the apartment. It’s not often that their dorm is this quiet, so he checks their group chat to see where all the members decided to go. Around twenty notifications pop up and Kun smiles at the many messages about shopping and ‘getting a fresh look for the show’. He spends around twenty minutes with cleaning after their pets and making sure they have their food and water, when Ten walks into the living room, yawning. He looks rumpled, sleep clings on his frame as blanket and he looks too adorable for Kun to resist.

‘I thought everyone went shopping?’ He asks, smiling when Ten jumps on his place.

‘I thought you were gone too,’ Ten mutters, coming closer. He’s rubbing his eyes, moving close to Kun on some autopilot. ‘Hendery wrote that they will have a dinner outside too, so don’t cook.’

Kun hums and lets Ten cling on to him like a koala as he makes them tea. It is not the first time Ten plasters himself on Kun’s back, but this time Kun likes to think that it’s different. The domesticity of just two of them in the dorm does funny things to his heart. Ten says he’s not hungry, but Kun still makes him rice sandwich with tuna and eats one too, because eating in comfortable silence with Ten is something he never thought he needed until this moment. He doesn’t even notice he’s staring until Ten asks him to stop.

‘You know how I hate when someone stares at me while I eat,’ he says, cheeks puffed up with rice sandwich.

He reminds Kun of a cat: moody, lethargic, but still way too adorable. Instead of anyhow answering to that statement, Kun asks a question that has been torturing his mind for a while: ‘Are we dating?’

Ten chokes on his sandwich and hurriedly reaches for his cup of tea, glaring at Kun. Leader remains stoic under that glare and Ten lets out a groan and: ‘ _Really?_ ’ after he swallows.

Kun nods. ‘I don’t do casual relationship and I don’t want one with you.’

Kun knows that most of the members sleep around. He knows, he doesn’t judge them for it, but that’s not something he can do. Kun doesn’t really have a problem of a pent up frustration and even when he does gym helps him in this; besides, he doesn’t really view sex as an outlet for his negative emotions. Changing partners or sticking with somebody but not being serious about it doesn’t feel right to him, so he doesn’t sleep around or go out with anyone he’s not remotely interested in.

‘You want us to date,’ Ten clarifies, all sleep gone from his features. ‘Like… be a couple?’

‘If you’re okay with it then yes.’

‘Hide from management but tell group members?’ Ten asks and Kun nods. ‘You have already thought everything over?’

‘Not really,’ Kun says honestly, taking a sip from his tea and cringing when he realizes it’s gone warm. ‘But I will if you say yes.’

Ten looks around and then sighs dramatically: ‘Are you really asking me to be your boyfriend in the kitchen of our dorm? Wearing your worn-out shorts and t-shirt? I expected more from you.’

Kun chuckles and reaches across the table to take Ten’s hand in his. ‘Is that a ‘no’?’

Ten glares but squeezes his fingers in return. ‘That’s a ‘maybe’. Come up with a plan and then I’ll let you know.’

Kun shakes his head with an affectionate smile on his lips. Ten doesn’t exactly play hard to get, but he doesn’t make everything easy either and Kun loves this about him, loves everything about him. They finish their tea in silence and then leader invites Ten to his room, wanting to explain more about new tv show. They both navigate immediately to the bed and Ten climbs straight after Kun, laying half on top of him. Ten is not heavy at all, in fact he’s so thin that Kun sometimes fears he might break him by squeezing too hard. Main dancer cushions his head on leader’s shoulder, he swings his right leg over Kun’s hips and Kun’s hand immediately grabs his thigh so he won’t fall.

‘Do they already know who will be in which unit or will it really be revealed online?’

Kun clasps Ten’s hand in his and stares at their fingers; Ten’s are so thin and long, made to play piano, to draw, to create art, whereas Kun’s are tanner, thicker although just as long. Kun’s hand is generally bigger and he likes to watch how he engulfs Ten’s hand in his. ‘Online and then we’ll work in groups.’

Ten says something but it’s muffled as he speaks right into Kun’s shoulder. Leader jostles him and Ten whines, tucking his head in the juncture of leader’s neck and teasingly biting it in retaliation. ‘I said what if I happen to be in the same group with Johnny?’

Kun grips Ten’s thigh, turning to him with raised eyebrow. ‘Are you trying to get a rise of me?’

Ten smiles mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows. ‘Is it working?’ Thai member leans in, brushing his nose across Kun’s neck. ‘You’re hot when you’re jealous.’

Kun lets go of Ten’s thigh and instead grabs him by both sides, pulling main dancer almost fully on top of him. ‘Only when I’m jealous?’ He asks, amusement evident on his face as he lifts Ten’s t-shirt so he can touch his bare back. ‘I thought I’m hot all the time?’

‘Someone’s gotten very confident,’ Ten notes with a smug smile on his lips as he leans closer to Kun’s face.

‘I learn from the best,’ Kun whispers and finally closes the distance between their lips.

Kissing Ten is on top of the things that Kun likes to do the most. It can easily become his favorite way of spending time, really. Ten kisses just like he does anything else - he succumbs to the feeling fully, giving his all. It’s intoxicating in the best way and Kun’s head spins with realization that he _finally_ has this boy in his arms. How many nights have he imagined this, dreamt of this and now it’s real and he’s never letting go. His neck aches from the position and Kun puts his head back down on the pillow, moving Ten higher on top of his body. It’s easy to do this as Ten’s really light and Ten breathily moans into his mouth, when leader grips his buttocks. Kun takes his time to learn what Ten likes: how he likes to be kissed, with how much tongue, what makes him shiver, what makes his moan. Ten doesn’t build walls here, he opens fully, lets Kun know what effect this or that has on his body by being very vocal. He’s sensitive, Kun learns. Ten likes when Kun’s warm and dry hands map out his back and he likes being caressed, but he likes it more when Kun grips him tight. Kun hikes dancer higher so he can easily access his neck and sucks lightly on it, gripping Ten’s hips when he starts to shallowly rotate them. Kun licks and bites his neck, squeezes his butt cheeks and Ten’s answering moan is a music to his ears.

‘ _Kun,_ ’ dancer calls breathily but leader doesn’t reply, busy going down with his kisses to Ten’s collarbones. Kun suddenly remembers about slapping thing and decides to try it out. He pushes Ten’s joggers down and lightly slaps it, so light that it may look as an accident. ‘Kun!’

‘Mhm?’ He looks up, but continues to leave kisses up Ten’s jaw. ‘What?’

‘Wanna suck you off,’ Thai member whispers hotly in his mouth and Kun’s brain short-circuits for a second.

They’ve been making out not for long but he didn’t even notice how he got half-hard. All this time Ten kept on sliding his leg up and down his length and Kun swallows harshly when he feels answering hardness poke his stomach. He was so into kissing that these things just escaped his attention. Realizing that Ten waits for him to say something, Kun simply lets go of his butt and rises both hands behind his head as an answer and a silent ‘go ahead’ sign. Grin that Ten gives him makes Kun’s breath hitch and he watches as main dancer slides down, down, down - until he’s face to face with Kun’s bulge in his sweatpants. Kun has half a mind to climb higher in his bed so it’d be more comfortable for Ten, but then all thoughts fly out of his head when dancer taps his hips, silently asking him to lift them so he can pull down his sweats. Kun’s breathing turned erratic when they started kissing but now he feels like his heart is in his throat, when Ten gently squeezes him before pushing down his underwear too. Kun, in all honesty, didn’t receive many blowjobs in his life, but for some reason he’s sure that anything from Ten will be far better than all his previous experiences. Maybe his future experiences, too. Dancer looks at his dick - Kun wills himself not to blush - and then back at Kun. He’s smirking and in typical Ten fashion he first teases. Places a kiss on Kun’s stomach. Then sucks small hickey on his left hip. Afterwards he moves to the right hip. It’s an exquisite torture and Kun gives up way too soon. His hand finds itself fisted in Ten’s hair and he lifts one eyebrow at the dancer.

‘Get on it with it, maybe?’ He asks, tone clipped with an effort not to sound breathless.

Ten makes a thoughtful face but Kun tightens his hold on his hair and he shudders, wetting his lips and nodding. His tongue laps on Kun’s head and leader lets out a pained groan because _god, this is perfect_. Ten doesn’t stop his teasing, fondling his balls with one hand and with another stroking his dick, but Kun doesn’t say anything on this, can’t say anything because all words are gone from his mind at the sight of Ten sucking his dick. Kun quivers, it feels too good too soon and he bites his lips in order not to moan out loud. Warm breath, moist heat - Kun grits his teeth with an effort not to buckle his hips, not to search for Ten’s mouth. Ten knows exactly what he’s doing though: his expertise in this is evident from how he doesn’t look hesitant at all. He strokes Kun firmly, thumbs his slit a bit and smirks, because he knows how good it feels and because teasing Kun is fun and exhilarating. Kun’s dick is leaking and Ten licks all the precome, holding Kun’s gaze and he looks so obscene that arousal scorches hot in leader’s belly. Ten goes down fully on his dick, Kun can feel the back of Ten’s throat with it and he trembles, groaning loudly. His body is on fire when Ten’s tongue swirls around his length again and again and Kun unconsciously fists his hair tight. Apology is ready on his lips when Ten moans lowly around Kun’s dick and Kun surrenders to this heat. Somewhere on his mind he stores the information about Ten’s reaction to hair pulling for later, but in the present he sits up on his elbows and watches as Ten bobs his head enthusiastically, clearly a man on a mission. It shocks Kun when he notices how Ten gets off on it too, how his hips grind to the mattress, how his face has this blissed out expression. He lets go of his hair and instead moves his hand to dancer’s face, stroking it gently. Ten pulls back, lips glossy with spit and precome and Kun knows this image will haunt in his dream forever.

‘You’re not even remotely close, are you?’ Ten asks, voice a bit hoarse.

Kun chuckles, shaking his head. ‘Never been a quick one.’ He thumbs Ten’s jaw, looking closely at the boy. ‘If your jaw hurts-’

Ten scoffs and bats Kun’s hand away. ‘You’re always a challenge,’ Ten mutters as he grips his dick gently. ‘And I never backed down from one.’

Kun doesn’t how how he feels about his dick being a challenge, but he stays silent and just lays back on the bed, with all his posture showing Ten that he’s welcome to do whatever he wants. Dancer decides to alternate between fast and slow strokes on his dick and nipping at his thighs, marking them all up with his bites. It feels good, Kun closes his eyes and lets this pleasant feeling wash over him. It’s been too long since he last received a blowjob and although he never felt better, he doesn’t want this to end quickly. He sighs and grunts, shows Ten his appreciation and grits his teeth when dancer goes down on him again. Heat of his mouth is wonderful, the way Ten tries to take him whole makes Kun want to coo at him, but when he looks down and sees how dancer’s mouth is stretched over his dick all he wants to do is flip them over and fuck him from behind. Ten adds just a bit of teeth and Kun curses out loud, which makes Thai boy grin triumphantly like he won a lottery. And of course because of that Ten repeats it again. And again and again until Kun’s ball are taut and aching and he feels like he’s about to explode.

‘Ten,’ he calls warningly, both hands coming up to dancer’s hair, ready to pull him back.

‘I can swallow or you can come on my face, whichever you prefer.’

‘ _Jesus fucking-_ ’ Kun starts and doesn’t even notice how he pulls at dancer’s hair, making him moan. ‘I-’

‘I’ll swallow,’ Ten decides for them and suddenly deep throats him.

Kun immediately understands what dancer is about to do and again sits up on his elbows, groaning when Ten tries to take more of him. Kun can feel how he’s straining and Ten pulls out quickly, coughing a bit. Leader doesn’t have a huge dick, but it is thicker than average and hurting Ten is the last thing he wants.

‘Tennie-’ Kun starts but the rest gets lost in a long moan as Ten swallows him again.

This time he does better and his nose reaches Kun’s lower belly and he holds there, breathes heavily through his nose and Kun’s coming unexpectedly, without giving any warning to the other boy. He shudders through his release, hands tight on Ten’s hair, not pulling but not letting him go either. Light bursts behind Kun’s eyes and he falls back on the bed with a grunt. Ten gives his dick a last lick and Kun has to collect himself before he can open his eyes and come back to this world. He can’t believe this happened. This feels like a dream and like he’s going to wake up with a raging hard-on. But it’s real and it’s unbelievable. When he calms down, he sees Ten with a hand in his sweats and this spikes something hot inside him. He reaches for the dancer before he can think and pulls him on bed and under him in two easy motions. Ten looks debauched, there’s a bit of come on the corner of his lips and Kun doesn’t think twice before kissing him senseless. Dancer responds to the kiss, open his mouth willingly and Kun can taste himself; he never thought it’s be arousing but it is with Ten.

‘Can I?’ Leader asks as his hand goes under Ten’s sweats.

Ten nods, pulls his own hand away and moans when Kun grips the base of his dick. It’s pretty much like his own, but it’s longer whereas Kun’s thicker and Kun wants to look desperately, but Ten didn’t give an indication that he’d be okay with that so he settles for stroking him like that. He drinks up every Ten’s expression, swallows his moans, loves the way dancer arches his back, how he needily seeks Kun’s lips, how he presses himself closer to his chest. Kun thinks of how many guys have done to him and unconsciously grips Ten too tight, but latter only moans louder at this. Kun hopes someday he’ll stop having thoughts like that, because past doesn’t matter as long as in the present Ten is with him. It doesn’t take long for Thai boy to come, but when he does it’s with Kun’s name on his lips and Kun kisses him hot and wet for that. He keeps his mouth on Ten’s skin and strokes his dick few more times until Ten doesn’t hiss at the oversensitivity.

‘Shower?’ Kun asks, kissing his temple.

Ten is silent for few moments, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He then opens his eyes and cringes at the obvious stickiness in his underwear. ‘Shower,’ he agrees and when Kun makes a move of standing up, he grabs him and demands: ‘Carry me.’

Kun can act like he’s annoyed, but they both know how he actually loves this side of Ten, so he doesn’t even bother hiding his wide smile at this request. Leader stands up and easily picks Ten up bridal style, smiling to him all the time. He definitely notices the way Ten bites his lips and he also stores that away for later, because if Ten has a strength kink then Kun is going to exploit it to the max.

‘Ten,’ Kun calls when they stand in the shower cabin, which was definitely not made to fit two fully grown adults, but they make it work somehow. ‘Ten?’

‘What?’ Dancer asks, tilting his head so water won’t catch his eyes.

Kun presses himself close, chest to back and cradles Thai boy in his arms like he’s some precious jewel. ‘Be my boyfriend. No casualties. Real relationship.’

Ten freezes and stays silent. He covers Kun’s hand on his abdomen with his own, but otherwise stays silent. Leader can literally feel how temperature in the cabin drops the more Ten doesn’t say something. Dancer starts drawing some patterns on Kun’s hand and then he turns, facing Kun.

‘You thought everything over?’ He asks and Kun really needs to focus on this conversation and not on water droplets on Ten’s eyelashes.

‘Group comes first,’ leader says firmly, meeting Ten’s gaze. ‘If our relationship is going to somehow sabotage our group’s success then we’ll end it immediately, because group always comes first, WayV is number one priority. But…’ Kun looks down at the way their bodies are joined and he thinks that this is how it should be. This is _right_ and no one will tell him otherwise.

‘But?’ Ten prompts.

‘But us being together will not bring any harm to the members. I’ll make sure of that.’

‘And the managers? The company? Fans?’ Ten asks in a calm tone. He reaches out and pushes Kun’s hair out of his forehead.

‘We can’t go public, no one can, you know that,’ Kun answers, regret evident in his voice. ‘But there are many guys from our company who are dating for a long time, so it’s not impossible. No one has to know.’

‘Apart from members,’ Ten says and Kun nods. ‘That’s a lot, you know. You already are a leader-’ dancer’s voice drops to a quiet whisper as he continues: ‘-us being together will only add up to your stress. All that weight you have to carry on your shoulders…’ Ten caresses Kun’s shoulders lovingly before looking up: ‘You okay with that?’

Kun swallows. He thought about it, of course. Constantly being on alert, having to hide, making sure that no one suspects anything - that’s a lot. But he won’t be able to live with himself in peace knowing that he had a chance to actually be with Ten and that he didn’t use it. He leans in and presses their foreheads together, sighing. It’s great that Ten also thinks about it, but Kun doesn’t want him to worry. Worrying is his part. But he’s immensely happy that Ten thought about it because it means that Ten thought about them being together and that’s what matter the most.

‘I am okay with that,’ Kun says in all seriousness. ‘I’m strong enough.’

Ten stares at him, looks deep into his soul and Kun doesn’t know what he saw there, but then dancer smiles. This little, small smile makes flowers bloom in Kun’s chest. He waits for Ten to say ‘yes, let’s date’ but of course he doesn’t say that. Instead Ten leans in and pecks his lips.

‘I’m hungry,’ he states and Kun blinks in confusion because that’s a rather abrupt change of the topic.

‘Okay?’ Leader mumbles and Ten pries off his hands, exiting shower cabin and quickly drying himself off with the towel. ‘Um-’

Ten turns once he’s fully clothes and stares at Kun, who’s still very much naked and in the shower. Dancer rolls his eyes and smirks. ‘Get out of the shower and make me some food, boyfriend.’

Kun opens his mouth and then closes it. Ten stares at him with barely contained wide smile and runs out of the bathroom the second Kun moves. It takes Kun three seconds to realize that of course Ten took the only towel with him. And it takes another two seconds for his cheeks to hurt from how wide he’s smiling. He quickly pats himself dry with a hand towel, which is way too short for his body and gets dressed hastily.

‘I’m coming!’ He shouts as a warning and then adds under his breath, smiling widely: ‘Boyfriend.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i deserve nice comments because!!! was there angst? no. was there a blowjob? yes! fluff? yes! i hope everyone's happy although i know all people in the back are just waiting for the sex scene :D 
> 
> anyway, how did you like the comeback? i will be honest - whole album is not my style at all, but im gonna rewatch that music video like crazy because boys look so good and im just :( prettiest babies!
> 
> also, important thing - next chapter will probably come out later than usual. you know how i always try to post one chapter in 10 days, but this time it may take longer. hope by the time new chap arrives you won't forget about this story! 
> 
> i love you all, thank you for always commenting and being nice. <3


End file.
